If I Could

I'm difficult different
Diffident
Clarity diffused
I'm but a ghost a sprite
A wraith
Walking through walls
Of waspish non believers.

I wish you would see me
I wish you could see
How I long to walk on water
Prove to you and your kind,
That beyond faith
Lies more elevated concrete abstractions.

No oxymorons for you
To make you wonder
'Am I missing something?'

but I merely waste away
In effortful eloquence
To woo you
My crudest rhymes are
Riddled with insecurity
Wilting gentleness, absurd
For your attention.

Forgive my being
Only half a human
Being.
I have shed so many skins
With leaky tears
Leaving leaching wounds
Watery scabs
Still this smiling snake
For all seasons
Moults to dissimulate
Spreading smoke
On the rusty water
Seeds of truth pearling inside
Each lie.

Fangs bared hissing despair
Disillusioned by smoke and mirrors
Smitten and drunk upon them
Dripping poison
Disgust rotting into impotence
Reduced to reptile, flesh without bones,
Unbreakable,
Bending, crawling at the feet
Of cruel monuments.

My world needs to crash
Into itself
Smash and burn
Till the beautiful flowers
Of agony
Burns the naked back
Of the Boneless Beast.

In a beat returned
To a moment
Before my fall
And the loss
Of limbre innocence.

When tears were not
For shedding
But prismatic lenses
Openings for hope
Through myriad showers
Of rainbows.

In such a wonderful world
I would not wonder
How none can see my worth
But be won over
Many times more
By love
And worked over
By its power.

And thus
Deleted made obsolete
Are cravings
Rendered non relevant
By ownership
Possessed by none
In full possession
Of the faculties
Walking in wondrous
Grace and gratitude.

I release you
My indolent agonies
Into the insular abyss
I conquer by stooping
Forsaking the insolence
Of my short-sighted wit
And I am lighter than air
In flight
And fairer and brighter than Lucifer
Bringer of Living Light.

(c) Amrita Valan 2016