Second death

Before my second death
I befriended the beast
I needed to know
The first time
Was not in vain

I had cried
Saddest requiem
Checked my lipstick
In the mirror
Before filling my lipstick Case.

With all the pills my
Pain could hold.
To prove you wrong
And show
My heart of gold.

I only died
In my dreams
A bit.

I lived
To recant that tale
And weave my web
Again
Minus the intrigues
Of old coffers
Of ambitions
Bravely borne
Bold, so bright
Now bereft.

Before my second death
I cast a spell
To invoke my soul
Should artifice fail

No words can
Cast out shame
No confession can erase
The pain
Till admission
Becomes proof
To silent guilt.

I will survive.
I have auctioned
My emotions
To live to the hilt.
This threadbare life
My boldface game
Tears are curtains
When my face
Is limp and lame
Like my hair
A spider veil
If you stroke it
I may revive
Or lacerate your palms
Alms of undeserved
Benevolence.

Goodnight and goodbye
I have been too attached
To my prison
My orison
Your real world
Cannot match up
To the serious
Slade House
Of my sadistic soul.

Splitting atoms
Over hairline differences
I masticate
Molecules of my mortality.

Souls are slurry soups
Deliciously mortgaged
To infinite prospects
Of melancholy.

Meanwhile
Eternity's meanderings
Pass us by
Untouched and
Unmoved.

(c) Amrita Valan 2017