The Last Samurai

Monday, January 19, 2015

Deux Lines

There's so much laughter so much love so much passion in my life
Missing you cannot be my pastime.
Yet I miss you yes....it's a residual baclkash when high tides of emotion retreat.
May I miss you like this forever, sweetly with no regrets.

.His name is a wound upon my heart which I dismiss lightly.
I don't trifle with the value of my heart.

Death exists to show us the fragility of life but love exists to show us the fragility of death.
Have faith in love and it will work wonders.

Ideas implode
The mind ignites
Words explode
Into poetry
The reader
Explores.

The moon insistently hung upon my midnight skies of isolation.
A solitaire supporting my lonely dreams.

The bat whisked past the trees...
Like a poignancy too terrible to settle down. One just had to close the windows and light the lamps inside.

my carpeted pool of light is safe habitat where I conjure sweet dreams playful tricks and treats.
Outside the ring of romantic light
The circle of voracious darkness threatens to gulp me and deny my fairytale
A happily ever after.

Take my heart my soul
But
Leave my mind intact.
I want my rights to remain free thinker
Untouched by romantic love.

Creepers creeps up the tallest tree
Taking strength from it to rise
Every creature craves sunlight
God gifted light can't be denied.

I will show you how not to be
If you tell me what you see in me

l ask you only to return the favor
Tell me what you truly think
I seek no other .

You're such sweet golden sunlight
Warmth watching my back.
But the cold trickling moonlight
Nurses my night throughout your lack.

Lets laugh at ourselves
Together. Two is company.
But not at each other with another.Three is such a crowd.

How do I ever tell you
How much you do mean
Tears can never be heard
And my thoughts
They cannot be seen.

You may ponder eternity in a moment and the futility of it all....
But it's also not such a little matter that this moment is your life...
Unforgettable while you live. Even though for just a while.

Harps and Piano our arrival
Drums and guitars our youth
But always as it all draws to end.
Plaintive
Violins and flutes

I am a mother
And sometimes I
Hate my children
What do I see?
I see mess squalor and indiscipline.
And I am afraid
They're going to be
Me.

Rearranged version

(Perhaps hate is a strong word...but I use it in a sense of depression dread or despair.)

I am a mother
And sometimes I hate
My children
What do I see?
I see mess squalorand indiscipline.
And I am afraid
They're going to be Me.

For my friend Gemini Teeters
Inspired by two of her lines...

"I love you
You have it all
All of it"

All that you truly perceive and appreciate
It belongs to you already
Though you don't possess it.

Forget me or forget me not
I don't care to draw the lots.

Don't drive into my heart
You'll draw blood with your fangs
I reveal myself to you
Because
The soul has hunger pangs.

Not a poem really...random thoughts running like rats. In my brain. Sorry what a rotten simile! :)

Thoughts on heart break... and Love.
Sometimes we can't tell the two apart.

Love someone in such a way...that you also fall in love with yourself.
Love your own heart that's capable of so much love and it will never get broken.

And if it still seems broken shattered
beyond recovery
Be tender and kind to that generous heart that serves ceaselessly.

Anything other than self healing is temporary...a bandage. It will not stick.
Infuse your soul and being with mercy...not self pity. It will not take.

I love even beyond my power to comprehend the extent of my love.
And That is the Power of Love.

Most of the love we profess is the shell. Pretty fragile Christmas baubles. But the kernel is unbreakable.

Love is unstoppable if its real.
Virtual love infatuation adulation
Is as true as the image in a mirror.
Is it there still if you are not there to see it?

Chew on this my friends. Virtual love can be real.
Realize that reflection.
It is that You
which you seek.

Love is living in the circus garden
Of festivities.
A joy in spring a carnival in summer.
At Fall the soft husk is winnowed away and precious ears of corn gathered . Harvesting warmth for
Quiet winter.

Ah! balancing upon the tight rope of sanity...always ripe for a fall!

Thoughts on Innocence

Innocence is not playing helpless or pretending to be dumb.
Simply speaking it's not knowing that you don't know.

Not naivete.
A baby is innocent not naive.
Naivete is lack of knowledge relative to age and experience.

But innocence is supra knowledge beaming above it in joyous trust that we are deserving and will be well received by this world.

Not security in the knowledge that care givers and providers exist as a baby is...who is truly helpless...but a heart clean of desire to deceive
and ready to receive it's own worth not as alms but as inalienable rights.

Shyness is a disease
I feel inferior
Doors that opened
Are shutting down
the smiles are fading
And I am
Alone.

Hurt me bad enough and I will lock up the hurt so deep you'll never unlock ...never decipher the code. .Now I'm sure...that I'm safe.

Sing out loud
Dance till I'm dizzy
when I'm blue...
Yes! Strangely that's exactly
what I love to do...

The kiss of the bird flies accross the skies...belongs to none. Ask not why.

Incredible is the light of understanding. It is Joy strained from the meshes of sorrow squeezed out of a stone.

The kiss of wings against the sky. Or the butterfly on your cheek.
The dreams of beloved departed dead.
The baby's struggle for speech.

A heart revealed is a heart relieved.
A love hidden remains forbidden.
Make it a flagship or make it a burden
You have to live in your secret garden.

Un deux trois
Sweetheart au revoir
Sometimes the remnants are
better...
wistful strains, melodies
half forgotten, sweeter
Than the full bodied love song.

Suryan

The sun was liquid gold in my eyes
A brilliant white coin fringed with a thin gold ring.
And it divided darkness into rays of black shot with white gold brilliance straight as a bolt of bountiful arrows, equal and unwavering.

The sky looked like the sea. Dancing wispy waves of floating clouds.

The sky looked like infinity made interesting by myriad sunbrushed strokes of color.

The sky looked like the gateway to Utopia The promised land the land of milk and honey.

The brilliance was quiet and still as if for us to worship.
As if a portrait was held up to our gaze. With divine purpose.

Adore, adore, adore... wonder at my brilliance.
I know not that I glow.
Be my magnificence, my majestic sentience.
Make my incandescence the light that blazes the darkness of your mind to shreds.

However many gods you create, image and worship, none will give you light like I do till my last day, till my ball of fiery flamboyance, this immense fireplace and hearth of your life is used up...dumb white cinders of End days.

I bowed my head instinctively. O my Eternal life giver, well wisher, benefactor, friend... My heart filling with intuitive reverence.
my mind and soul sparked, illuminated by your radiance .

"Om java kusuma sankyasan
Kashyapeyan maha dyuting
Dhantaaring sarva papagnan
Pranatashmi divakaran..."

To Suryan the sun god:

Om
Crimson blossoming hibiscus
Son of sage Kashyapa great giver of radiance
Destroyer of evil
I touch thy feet with my reverence.

Of course I'm an indifferent translator of this age old sanskrit shloka...but I felt it's power today..in the sun's magnetic gold caress....my apologies for the imperfections.

Negation

Other than writing I have no life
Come on end it
We are going to die.
Even the pro lifers.
Every one talks about that better place
As if they've been there
Lets get there already.

If I were to value and hoard my life like gold
I'll still grow old
Death is the only door with a
Handle on it.
Shall I turn
Will we return
Is there something else

Is there an elsewhere
Clean and simple light and free
Shipping charges on delivery
I'll pay my costs
Fast tracking
The game of living isn't that entertaining
Interesting or edifying
Waiting for my number to be called
Queuing up for death

How dumb! placid sheep
Are we
Fodder to eternity
Why can't I a voyager be
Star trekking to kingdom come?
The only reason people condemn suicide
Is because they're truly scared
There's no afterlife
This is all we've got
Better messy sentient dolls
Than dust under the feet of
Would be Gods...

If this is all I get seventy maybe eighty odd years of existence
A lifetime
Of experience choked out of breath
In the wink of a cosmic eye
Forgotten forever
Life is negative treasure
Valued because there's nothing
Better.

Terribly unhappy write. ..awaiting vitriol. :(

The Valley of Dry Bones

A valley of dry bones
A spiritual dessication
A steady dissipation
A journey without destination
Love without dedication

A valley of dry bones
The heart of a wasteland
Taste of straw in our mouths
The stuffing coming out
The depths of a dilettante
Pity grace mercy peace
Momentary instinct
Too shortlived too scant
To succor our infants

A valley of dry bones
Arranging itself in poses
Stultified and stagnant
A deathbed of Roses

I searched for you in the church
I looked at the spire
The most high was higher than this puddle of iniquity.

A valley of dry bones
Strewn like dead matchsticks
No fire it was stomped out...
Blind candles without wicks

A valley of dry bones
Blindness glistening under
The sun
No burial without understanding
of life and death
All is one.
Withered out of breath souls stultified a deep suffering
without power to cry
A mummification in motion
Without strength to die.

A valley of dry bones
I'm one of them
Pray for me
Your prayers may work
for both you and me
Our prayers are
Inside journeys
Soul meetings
Revelations
Arcs of understanding
Between people different dimensions wandering worlds

Ever wonder how
Words are to be used ?
Usher your wands
Throw wants
To the winds of destiny
Change change
Turn the tables of temptations
Summon your magic
Resuscitate
Bring back to flesh
Your lovely bones of tenderness

Prayers are magic
The divine bargain
Of humanity and the
Price of Salvation.

New Beginnings

Date changes on the calendar
Thrusting us forward
Propellers cutting through time
As far as our utmost breath
Will carry us
Engines revving reviving
Take offs
Landings
Till the runway or the fuel
Ends.

Endeavors towards optimism. ..
Saccharine artifice and sacrilege
Strange and strong resistance
A reluctant movement
Helpless in the face of
Earth's relentless motion
Turning returning
Dating aging

New beginnings?
God I'm not done yet
With the old
So much left undone
That I'm still
chewing upon.

New beginnings?
How should I be?

Better more positive
Less regrets
More fun
Greater goals
Aspirations
New recipes
A job
Rehash forgotten college skills
Driving French Programming

Ha ha! New Beginnings?
Yes...send me back in time
Please.
New beginnings. ..
I want to start afresh

Redo my first days in college
Establish myself
As serious honors student
Wish I hadn't torn up the prospectus of my life
Over a failed affair
Wish I had set sail
On my ship of dreams
Taken more chances
Against tyranny of unfair
Elders unloving brother
Made a marriage
not a gamble
Never capitulated under pressure
Wish I hadn't tried suicide
To see how it felt
To die.

Now it's a toss up

Wish myself again
Life
Death
Or
New Beginnings.

Puff!
Blow out the candles.
The magic dragon
I shall slay.

Okay I will behave.
Let me start
On the smallest scope
Over the slopes of inclinations

I will take up driving
Once again.

I will drive in reverse skid off the eternal parallel railroad tracks back up out of my rut of a life
Ruthless against the winds
Breaking barricades
In defiance
To rules of rote existence.

New beginnings.
I'm no beginner at them.

This time around
I will not forget
To throw
A pinch of salt
Over my shoulders
Damn the Devil
And be responsible for
Happiness.

Camouflage

The mind constantly wants to disrobe itself
Divest itself
From strictures of
Sanity
Discard dress robes
Of uniform
Motley camouflage
Under the armor
An army of pain marches
The heart
Is battlefield

Bearing balls of duress
Wear out thin
The floors of tolerance

If I carry the syllogism
Any further
To its logical conclusion
Then I disrobe sanity

Iet the demons in...
In harlequin
Wickedness

Donning dress robes
ritualistic custom
Drowning oceans of pain
Habitual action
Stretching rictus of smiles
Painting a clownish face
wreathed in pleasantries
Corrective coercive traction

The world wants to see
You
But You
Through the camera's
hungry eyes
Idolatry and adulation

Posed projections
Positives petrified
Framed perfection
Sunny side up
Seamlessly

The silvery charcoal haze of doubtful daguerrotypes
stays firmly inside...

Despair wears glib masks
Of nonchalance
Outside
The darkroom.

The Track of Tears

The strength of a teardrop
Suppressed
It's weight dormant
Upon the unbearable heart
Jaws heavy slackness
from sweet nothings to say
Lips curl in derision
Locker of nothingness.

Rather no kiss than this...
Emptiness
When two minds fail to touch
When they miss
Their mark
of dispelling loneliness

Love is not a head game
A brilliant intellectual duel

Nor is it
lips locked in gluttony
To extract bliss
Only fueling futility
Escalating hunger.

Each tear that drowns my heart
Is the kiss
Of understanding
Compassion contains passion
In itself.

When it recognizes
In another
The same wells of mercy
Two rivers
Run deep
The source is the same.

But dry deserts
Don't deserve tears.
Arid remains
despising rain

Beware
Weary traveler

The wild ride
The Dunes
The golden sands lie still
Touched by life
Charmed to sentient sleep.

Time tired of loneliness
Builds up tiers
Of deception
Lofty Dunes

Desolate winds
Howl
Erase the tracks
Of my tears
And
Your Tale.