Remembering September 11

Remembering September 11
Took me these many years before I could try to put in words how I felt that day. 

Such small pathetic dolls
Flying into heaven
Arched backs
Arms upraised above black dots
Those were their living heads...
I cannot imagine
What or if at all, they thought.

Brave heros falling
Fright racing like iced blood
Blooming into hot poison flowers
Of madness melting pot
Of degenerating senses
Dreading descent
Searching seeking....

Yet to be received below
into gaping concrete maws
Of maniacal death
Crunching bony knuckles
For the last impact
Of hell.

Invisibility is mercy
To not know
To not see
The human right
To die in ignorance
Not knowing when
How or why.

A brief moment
In time
God granted them this mercy
Distance defied their vision
Courage and lust for life
Became
Boarding passes to eternity.

so streaking flashes of light
They blipped by us
Husked across hushed television screens
But then
They passed
out and away from the bottom lines
Of our insanely limited radars
To their unbelievable fates.

Ground zero rose up
To meet these fallen heros
Was thus ordained
Baptized by innocent blood
When death dealt the crumpling blow
No God,
Came to take them aboard on
Wings of pity
So no man may be spared knowledge of their pain and plight.

Now under twin towers of mute mournful light
Fallen angels sear our astounded vision
Till the end of days.

I hope you found adventure
I hope you found an atom of peace
I hope as you fell to your lonely graves
Some of you fell asleep.

I hope those of you
Who had lion hearts
Felt courage awake
When all else forsook
Sensed the blueprint
Of the lamb
And were indeed led by the
Shepherd's crook.
And I beg on my knees
That each one of you
had a measure of infinite peace
In that last earthly instant
Before hitting eternity.

May all
hope and pray as we shudder and say
That those who caused your grief
Have a good look at what they
think courage is
For this carnage is not it.

For we'll hear you from this side of hell
Till our dying days release
Frozen screams locked shut in your prophesying stony eyes
Oh please let them shut at least...

(c) Amrita Valan 2015

Death Valley

Death Valley

Crush squeeze caress and kiss
you made a memory
And now it will tease
Your insides churn and mourn
Turn out the stuffing of your soul
Make believe your skin is whole

This curious jelly my mushy brain
This constant stream of weeping rain
This lovely night this redolent breeze
Oh and the memories made to order
To taunt, to tease, many a moon ago and so
silvery shoals of sand enfolded softly glow
Oh how well they know to sift and sieve
Every grain shall shift and burn and hiss
Haunt and dance and undulate
Cinematic panoramas for you
to contemplate

And I swear I can touch base with your mind
And minds are word worlds that soar free
Of embodied cage
Like swords of lightning
Or  wands of Mage,
But. ..
The midnight conch shell its magic murmers
Till celluloid stories melt away the page

And  maddening motions of muralist ecstasy
Freeze and thaw the minds image
I swear I have you to hold and then
Empty silence is my sinful wage.

And I crush and squeeze and caress and kiss
The shadows of fires that no longer is
And I linger and lave in its smoldering haze
in fenzied frenetic motion, a
pace of emotions that
tease and daze,
Langorous lava
Flowers
In the death valley
The decadence
Of all my decorous days.

(c) Amrita Valan 2015

The Silk Route

Silk excites me
Bland smooth or crisp and papery
Soft as oil on water, wet velvet
Rose petals soothing.

I want to bathe in
Such silk of oblivion
That will fold me
Into a nonentity
Sunlight will pass through me
Like clear glass.

Hallucinations of solidity
That's what I want
To become.
An acute transparency
Without any depth of revelation.
Light and lovable
Or invisible.

Baggage roots me.
Static upon Sinbad's rock.

The voice I never had
The thought I voice unheard
The pearls of penitence and
Acceptance scattered
Rolling the rounds of dead
Reckoning.

No one heard
Nor any one saw
This silent examinee
Facing her toughest battles
On a blank test paper.
No questions
Yet
We must jot down
Answers

Guess it was written
In invisible ink after all
Guessing so was I
Draped in dead silken
Sheaths of invisibility
Shielded you from me
me from you
And kept me apart
From the land of living
As warning or
Exhibit.

Some might say such obsequious
Silk becomes me
We make each other
Beautiful and obsolete
Obscured by the
Yielding fabrication
Of time
Sashaying down space
Conquering nothing.

The two axes run through
Eternity.
And I never leave the tracks
Or fully live
Embalmed in lilysoft
silk cocoon,
As sweet loss and longing
clothes me.

The silent lands end on which I perch
Is a broken bit of ledge
And already crumbling
Into the cold dark crazy sea
Of never belonging
©Amrita Valan 2015

Broken Kisses On Brown skin

Broken kisses on brown skin
Careless exit of breath taken in
A hopeless prayer in semi mute
Deep despair flailing
Goddess in the nude

This world spinning so topsy turvy
The road just keeps on walking all over me
And the distance wears out my weary soles
Feet are tingling on burning coal
Cold thorns trickle down my
Emptied spine
My throat feels dry like a heavy parchment
Lined with misery in circling rings
and I will have to be easy
On my sins

So I wait it out perfectly
Hiding quietly within myself
Wanting nothing and nobody
To notice a grief
Which exists to spite itself.

So many dawn whispers
From a tender loving witch
While she lives her wispy
Dreams
Woven into your life and death
Garments of my wonderment

At stony dusk spilt blood sunset
The black vapors evaporate
And disperse the vestiges of
Such sadness dreamt
Poetry becomes the
Power of bereavement. .

I came across this bridge
This charming stony woodbrine ridge
This sweet supple soft balance
This life that sheds sun diamonds
Into the wandering mist

And ere it carries me out of my cares
And flails me of even despair

My soft goodbye sung low
Wish you well
And that's the most
A lost poem may do.

(c)  Amrita Valan 2015

Angels are Wrought

I held him tight
Curls damp against
my devoted lips
And cold as sobriety
Were my frenzied blessings
Upon his sweet heavenly cheeks.
Each lash lacerated my
Pounding heart
I felt such an ocean of love for my
Little son
And then
I knew what an angel is
At last
Not a winged fairy being
Of dazzling white
Not a robed figure of towering light

No
Not even my cherubic babe
An angel is merely his innocence
That creates an unstoppable tidal wave
Of love which storms across wild seas
And recedingshores
Of human limitations
And thunders
"No more!..
Be discontent
With your lot.
Angels are Love
Which you have yourself
Wrought."

Angels don't watch over us
But our creations are
Fashioned from purest brooding thought
Benefactors protectors or guardians,
Shields of love
For purity and innocence
Catalyzed by such a little lovely thing
As a sleeping babe sheltered in your
Nestling wings.

© Amrita Valan 2015

Put upon this Earth.

Warning: This could be both troublesome and offensive. It comes from a mind which is  not pretty but curious. Probing questions are not pretty, and I accept that I may be ignorant and unenlightened and totally utterly wrong. Forgive me if it offends you. But there must be a reason God put me upon this earth to periodically write these sorts of poems. 😯😒

I wish I could believe in angels
In the power of goodness
Towering majestic over evil
Without negotiations
And no unspoken pact
Between God and Devil.

Deep down I understand
What necessitates
Bad to coexist with good
The balance eternal maintains itself
That much is understood

How far dear God
For those who fail
Your litmus test
Who cannot shine their
Very best
And yet will not be
Penitent
Why must they be
So betrayed?

Heart of stone
With chiselled angel wings
If Mercy be the song you teach us to sing
If Courage animates us in your image
Oh why you can't forgive
And if you can't,
Then why won't men and
Angels rage?

Again and again
Our faith misplaced
When imagination is
So buttressed
Love us Father
For we have been blessed
With life
And Sin is that ugly thing
That temptation and embargoes imposed
Demands of us,
Will you not be embarrassed
If we towered higher than even you
In rectitude?
Was it not a sin
To give us a mind
That rationalized
On its own decided
To be or not to be unkind.

Will you banish reason
And only embrace us blind and naked
Seek out meek and timid humbled hearts
With dumbed down minds, uncomplicated
untroubled parts?

Evil was your threat
To keep us good
A hellfire was created
From heavenly wood.
Time after time
You test us through
The ages
You call some sinners
Others saints and sages
Everything ordained predestined
A certain number selected
Who will win
A seat in your in-crowd
Of beings
But tell me will they, your fan
Base, eternally fan You...
With praise and fresh blossomed wings?

And all faithful fathers will meet
their loyal sons' souls encased
In the very self same resurrected flesh!

Resurrection day will be rather like a carnival
Seriously, not fake like reincarnation at all!
With much fanfare and white lights
And flights of doves with olive branches
Certainty is but the faithfuls wistful hunches.
So the final curtain call will be a grand reunion!
Between families and friends and pets long dead and gone,
Called forth after Armageddon's trumpets
Blown
When only a chosen few, seeds were sown?

Numbers speak your soul Lord
In terrifying range of
permutations and combinations
Eternally defying slumber,
And each day I see your coat
Of shining armor
Emblazoned with faith and fortitude
Rust a little bit more
In surreptitious corners.

You died to pay for our sins
And henceforth we should be good
But aren't
But our sins are paid forward
And so, having accepted the Holy Word,
We're saved but wait!
Not all of us who accept, are paid for
Some will falter
And sin again
And though we're redeemed
The Redeemer still handpicks us
From the grave
Resurrect all
Father, or leave us be
The unwoken dead.

I cannot believe
In such stony seeds of grace
So yoked to Misery's mists of doubt,
For our human race,
Why were we singled out in
Your image,
Majestic doublespeak donning
Cloak of mystique
Will you make them rulers
Will you lead
An army of the meek and weak
And call them faithful
Who would not seek
Beyond the boundaries
Of Eden's playpen.
Who will be your
Little children
Not women or men
Who will goug out their eyes
Rather than presume
To see past the ken
Of human knowledge
And endurance.

© Amrita Valan 2015

Weekly Challenge Slop Rude awakenings

Weekly Challenge Rude Awakenings
😯

Butterfly memories myriad
Rainbows in motion
Runes relived
Stirring up bitter sweet
tender emotions
Constantly changing
The interlacing leaves
Flutter ferociously
Demanding that our
Mind melts to madness
And Shadows take over
In coloratura caresses
Lovemaking and spinning
Spent fortunes,
Told many times
Over, timed out
And yet, holding us
Beleaguered.

Even though we fade
Into  pinpoints
Concentrated nothings
Living loving moving
Sipping on ancient mead
Drowsy dizzying distillate
Of unforgettable nectar.

Dusting distant cobwebs
That shimmer iridescence
A crevice of coalbed reality remains
Where the clock cavorting hands
Cantering tell us
Now
We have to stop!

And we do
Jolted back into
Present day silicone motions
Superimposed on
Sheer veins of softest emotions,
The rude awakenings
Of necessity.

©Amrita Valan 2015