Alfresco Heart

Alfresco Heart

Alfresco heart.
I owe you so much.
Oh how you want me
In sunshine to be
Under only such shades
That are cool open glades
You provide me room to grieve
and relieve my gloom
But never throw me in
To the darkroom
Of doom.

A canopy of stars.
Shines on my scars.
Silver cool touch
Caresses not crutch.

You want my festers to heal
To let out the pus
You invite the new
And reinvent us.

Alfresco heart
Content to be
Lovelorn and free
In your bonhomie.

Still hopeful  heart
In beats and in starts
Runs the end of my race
More than lover's  embrace.

Love
Under a tree
A rock
A lonely spot
A communion
Of soul
With its own silken thoughts.

A do as you please
A silk threaded breeze
A love you too much
A more human touch

Than lover's arms to hold me
A call inside that guides me
That pulls me out of the safe womb
Shines light through the darkest tomb

Alfresco heart
Liberates and guards
Frees me from all
To answer one call

The call of our deepest emotions
Our need for beauty
The search for vocation
Our sacred duty is much more
Than an occasion

To bask in the sun
Of a delightful one
Run my love run
Stay under this Sun
It Shines through time
For each and everyone.

Life is a race
Heart times it with grace
The clock long since wound.
To fly straight off the ground.

The beat in my chest.
says I survived this test.
And till death does me drop.
This true heart won't stop.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2015

Come to Me

Come to Me

Hold my hand
Touch my heart
Save my soul

Come
Come to me
My life

On this day
The sea grows dark
The sky is falling
apart
Evening's shadows are drawing curtains
Sleepy inn....my world.

I am not here
I am in the afternoon
Of your love
Can't you hear me
Cry
Crying out your name
Loud into the bloodied skies
Again again and again
I call you
Your name is
Absolution
Your name is
Creation
Upon my tongue
You're shapely clouds my
Love
Dark forest trees
Grassy greens under my rolling feet
You're in and out my skin
Like lifegiving breath
Oh my love
You're right inside
Me.

Your name still rolls and rolls and cartwheels off my  tongue
And my chest feels a great
Exhalation
Of my pure love
Transverse this universe
Moving from
East to west
Towards your
Love.

My eyes
My eyes blaze black
With inner vision
Recreating what
I cannot see

The sky has blindfolded my earth from
Your embrace.

Come my love
To me.

Hold my hands.
Touch my heart.
Join my soul.
And spin my life
Into ecstasy.

I'm waiting.
Forlorn moon brings a message
On my terrace.
And it is
Your forever smile
Of compassionate understanding
Helplessly lost
In the clouds of contrary continents.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan  2015

Persona

We wear pretty clothes to look our best. For an occasion. A party, an interview or a function.

Ever wonder why souls don fleshy personas?

A beautiful body or a beautiful face is just persona.

Attire donned by the soul to fulfil this particular life's peculiar mission.

Therefore to want to be identical cookie cutter images of the stereotypical beautiful face or body as defined by Facebook, The Vogue Elle or Cosmopolitan is rather silly.
If you really think about it.

Why defy the soul's purpose? It donned this body because it was the best fit for its individual mission.

If you are not self indulgent but a natural plus size, genetically thick set and heavy featured, hook nosed with close set eyes...then perhaps that's what you need to be.
An owl must be wise and a canary must be a cute little fellow. Would you want  them to be bedfellows?

Realize only this. That your destiny was moulded with a different purpose.

A lightweight aircraft or a biplane was built for one functionality likewise a boeing or jumbo jet for another.
Duh! Fairly obvious? So would you advise the jumbo jet to get sleek and dapper? Or the biplane to flex some more muscles by way of carrying power?
Hey guys I'm not saying "fat people! get fatter! Get ready to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders!"
Or to size zero folks, "You guys are just froth floating on the lips of life."

But only that happiness comes in different shapes sizes and packages.

The only uniform is individuality.

Why make it difficult to love yourself by denying your soul.
Lean towards it and you'll learn its secrets.
Truth is you cannot bend away without breaking.
You were built heart mind body to be the best You that you can be.

Try it. It will surprise you with a wild giggly chuckle. Of relief.
Dear Child O'mine...you're finally all grown up.

A lovely embrace when a soul recognizes itself.

Realign your vantage point.
See yourself as an efficient apt instrument. Purposeful and capable of fulfillment.

Not by a set rulebook but by intuitive and rational consolidation of natural assets.

The ore needs mining...for the soul to be shining.

Life is simply nightshift....digging in the dark through the dirt for inner wealth.
Sift through the germane dirt. Diamonds in the rough await.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2015
 

Boatman

Boatman

Help me I cry out
Despairing
Of balancing my boat
My boatman smiles
Icy granite
He knows and corrects my course.

Invisible shivers
Caress spine
Dumb wooden oar in skilled hands
Expertly plying
Through deep waters.
Moon floats magic...
mysteries unfettered.

Each tiny teardrop
You squeeze out of my wooden fortitude makes a wake
Wailing and
Splashing noisily
While
The night
silently gurgles
replete with 
affectionate care.

And yet
The shaky boat balances under
Your all knowing feet,
And not you on it.

It's not you
O beloved boatman
But I who dare
Fate.

Steering
My shivering ark
To oblivion.
The dreaming boat
Understands your silent covenant
That it wavers like moonlit waters
And still dances to your elfin movement.

knowledge flowing
Upon floor of wisdom
Takes chances.
Not even your desertion matters.

Your command transmitting soul to
Lifeless oar...
Empowers them
Into Savior's arms.

Now setting sun
Makes fine haze of day
Night spreads fine meshed bridal veil
over my hopeful blush.

I sway joyful on precarious waves
Directed by slightest loving motions
Mere suggestions of nuanced hands.

Supplicant vessel and pliant oar
My suppliant will creating space
For your reign
Not your wilful wild dominance.
A subtle abdication satisfaction in your supremacy.

But now
Boatman you row
Away ...
lightly step
Onto the shores ...
Whistling  teasing tune for
Carefree winds...

When  is the next time
we sail?
I do not know.
You did not leave your note
On wind or water
For it neither floats
Nor rustles hope to me.

I'm staunch resignation
Stabbed by
tug of resistance.

Defy the anchors of muted  destiny.

Pulls me back in slow sure  circle....
waves make fluent ripples
Spreading and dying
Spreading and fading into
Futile temporal reality.

The wind makes waters speak
Tall tales whispered in the dark
Of a mirage
A boatman
Who sails accross the seventh sea
Igniting hearts...never
Seen.

Drowning fallen vessels on charmed fatal encounters 
Till in  the end
Wrecked amidst
jutting rocks under shallow waters that
could not hold them up.

Boatman do not tarry on my broken shores.
Upon your disappearance
Waits a dawn of truth
When I can inspect the damages
And still
bring out my
Diamond memories untouched.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014

Supposition

Supposition

Suppose I was hurtling through infinite space
A streaking particle of light
Would I feel the crush of speed
As vast vaccum rushes by?

We need to perceive for the theatre of experience to be felt
Sensory organs need stuff, put in place of
Nothingness.

Light and shadow
Wind and rain
Likewise our imagined
Pain

No grain or molecule  but
Suppose, I were to collide
And smash
All illusions of utter mismatch...

Supercharged molecules of personal choice
Master your mind
Before you conquer space...
Find your voice.

Suppose I were to ridicule
This fraudlence we perpetrate
God Life Earth and outer space
This calender of never ending dates?

Inside my head
Is a working mind
Exposing a vastness
An intangible inner space
Can we rationalize its existence?

Can we stop thinking?
Are there limits
Beyond our Imagination
Or just self imposed barriers
Abandoned benchmarks of our successive zeniths?

Suppose dying is just a causal giving up
The tick tock of finite resilience
Knowing that there are other paths
To presence and eternal emanance?

Suppose my love wasn't mine to give
Suppose it was more like Oxygen
The very atmosphere in which we breathe
Thus into our lungs and outward thence

Then how can you pick and choose the air you'll breathe
Whose acknowledged smile with your own smile you'll wreathe
Who you'll adore and whose return you'll take
Love was never just yours to make.

If
Love was primal preexistence
If love was the first coincidence
The supreme condition to being yourself
Who are you,
To define the borders, of its wealth?

And so twinkling I take the handed cup
Partake of the ordained honeysap
I appreciate all with who I sup
Hemlock or nectar I drink you up.

Life is a table at which I feast
And if with my name the Host marked my seat
I stand up and offer you a toast
Please accept my gratitude
My friends who are on the floor
Of defeat....
Waiting for crumbs
Allow me to wash your feet
The mercy I show you
Showeth  me...

No barriers
No Time
No Space
No utterance
No silence
No
Night nor day.
Dark integral light
Dazzling extraordinary Blindness.
Marriage
Of anomalous axes
A gentle perseverance
A harmonic buzz
A pulsating caress
Snowflakes drifting through the mindscape
Thought explosion on instinctive sea shores primordial
Energy waves.

A port a harbor
An eternal anchor
Life
A marker...

A
directional compass
Compassion merging into
Grace.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014

Out of Eden

Please may I be excused for writing terrible poems?
For I'm in  love
Like an enfant terrible I cant let go
Look at this tug of war
I call it love
It's a comic show

A coy dilettante
An opportunistic coyote
A brew of bubbly light insanity
Look  at me how  I  wear  a fools cap
And jingle its bell at you
I'm grabbing  all the attention that I get
Concocting a messy stew

The  thing about  this heart is
Breaking it makes its rules
And always it's own restrictions
Resists  like a hearty mule

Looks like a true  blue love
On a worn out frazzled sleeve
Unhappily ever  after
Live and let leave...
You live and learn
Your dues you pay
Your points to earn
No free lunch no easy grace
Doesn't matter I  won't make my mark
An easy mark 
I  leave  no  trace..
Nothing matters in my 
Sunken garden of evil
I  handpick the forbidden fruit
I share  it...with the devil

It's what you call a love bite
A brutal ejection of  fangs
Bruised apple
Amused poesy
An eternity
Out of Eden
After this infernal
Night.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014

Good Bye Never Ends

A Goodbye Never Ends.

(Like my lengthy poems. :( )

You said No to me, that you can't anymore
You were polite sweetheart, though you showed me the door
And I am meek acquesent
My distress isn't for show
I am not going to fight you
And I'm not going to go.

I couldn't gather reason 
Try to start a fight
It meant too much to lose you
I wanted to linger in your light.
Like a child I needed to hear you call me good
So goodbye I bade you and still silently I stood.

I must not add to your distress
I cannot bear if you lose face
So my love I withdrew.
But only to a safer place
And from there I quietly checked on you
And silent counted my days.

I needed to show you I'm civilized
And not without some poise
So many thanks my love I said
In tear choked cloudy voice.

Many thanks dear love
Much more than I can express
I  hope I'm radiating enough strength
Mustering all my grace.

You must never feel to blame 
Not once or even a bit
You  have  given up on me
and I sadly accept it

Why?
Because you are my installed god of love
My incomparable angel guide
You're my faithful sky above
so there my sun must hide.

My heart is in my mouth and it makes me feel dirty and uncouth
That try as I might I couldn't deserve you
What a strange pathetic truth.

Turn about now lost to view I'm just another Facebook page
One among some millions
Lost from your easy eager gaze.

My space is now a desert land
My profic pic amidst its sands
I'm no one special under your sun
You my love shine for everyone.

real life eyes sink in pools of black
darker shades than them I lack
Muffled under scarves and shades
Withdrawn I walk from life half dead.

And finally my love  the torrent needs outpour
Rivers of grief rushing in to pool under your door.

Can you please tell me that you  hear this cry
for if you cannot hear me how will you explain why

you made me a stranger, treated me like danger
Stabbed me to silence, snatched away my licence
sliced me without dagger
Severed my heart from my head
Till I could feel no anger.

I will remember you
When cold clutches the evening mist
Drilling in dead sweet nothings
Blood from pus filled cysts
Like sharp and ruthless shards
When your memories brush my cheek
Drawing blood from my dragon heart
The One who feels is never weak.

Each scale I grow upon my back
Each claw I cling to survival with
You'll never see the like of this
Strength from weakness is not a myth.

The toughest hide grows to protect the heart
untouched with the boon of  bliss
The more the bane of pain it feels
the more the sinuous folds of crease

No I will not wish upon the could've beens
I will wait in cornered hopes unseen
Consult with courage and show greater might
By forever loving from out of sight.

I will remember my wishful love
Your name dispelled my lonely doubts
The assurance it stamped me upon
But I won't let its secret out.

We are truly each others
We have our private room
Just around the corner
From bliss and lust ...and half a block from doom.

I wish you would change your quicksilver mind
Return us back the magic of us
Prove love is truer than quicksands of faith
Make
our quantum sundry sums add up..

Dont darling let a dead love lie
Don't  kill my love  it won't die...
Please resurrect what only you can heal
Dragon love carries an immortal seal.

Yes Angel...consider me a very
demoness
For a fearless angel to possess
To heal and show the guiding light
For my path was never ever bright

I'm this close to fainting from  my grief
Rescue my wanton heart oh please
My poor heedless head relieve
That you love me is all I need
Oh Let me live...
Let me believe.

If there's anything that I can do to make you forgive me, I shall-
Please let me try.
I won't question won't ask why
I have no pride left or self esteem
And yet my love I won't request,
I know that you know well all my dreams...

Dreaming about your loveliness
Visiting alone our magic place
Yes I will do it all alone
And in the darkness
being cast out of  your grace
I will stand still and quiet
and shake off my pain
And you will walk into this heart again
Treading upon the devil's gain
Treasure Island of pent up rain...
And one day -
At the end of a world walked in time,
Perhaps you'll call it home...
Perhaps I will call you
Mine.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014

.