Good Bye Never Ends

A Goodbye Never Ends.

(Like my lengthy poems. :( )

You said No to me, that you can't anymore
You were polite sweetheart, though you showed me the door
And I am meek acquesent
My distress isn't for show
I am not going to fight you
And I'm not going to go.

I couldn't gather reason 
Try to start a fight
It meant too much to lose you
I wanted to linger in your light.
Like a child I needed to hear you call me good
So goodbye I bade you and still silently I stood.

I must not add to your distress
I cannot bear if you lose face
So my love I withdrew.
But only to a safer place
And from there I quietly checked on you
And silent counted my days.

I needed to show you I'm civilized
And not without some poise
So many thanks my love I said
In tear choked cloudy voice.

Many thanks dear love
Much more than I can express
I  hope I'm radiating enough strength
Mustering all my grace.

You must never feel to blame 
Not once or even a bit
You  have  given up on me
and I sadly accept it

Why?
Because you are my installed god of love
My incomparable angel guide
You're my faithful sky above
so there my sun must hide.

My heart is in my mouth and it makes me feel dirty and uncouth
That try as I might I couldn't deserve you
What a strange pathetic truth.

Turn about now lost to view I'm just another Facebook page
One among some millions
Lost from your easy eager gaze.

My space is now a desert land
My profic pic amidst its sands
I'm no one special under your sun
You my love shine for everyone.

real life eyes sink in pools of black
darker shades than them I lack
Muffled under scarves and shades
Withdrawn I walk from life half dead.

And finally my love  the torrent needs outpour
Rivers of grief rushing in to pool under your door.

Can you please tell me that you  hear this cry
for if you cannot hear me how will you explain why

you made me a stranger, treated me like danger
Stabbed me to silence, snatched away my licence
sliced me without dagger
Severed my heart from my head
Till I could feel no anger.

I will remember you
When cold clutches the evening mist
Drilling in dead sweet nothings
Blood from pus filled cysts
Like sharp and ruthless shards
When your memories brush my cheek
Drawing blood from my dragon heart
The One who feels is never weak.

Each scale I grow upon my back
Each claw I cling to survival with
You'll never see the like of this
Strength from weakness is not a myth.

The toughest hide grows to protect the heart
untouched with the boon of  bliss
The more the bane of pain it feels
the more the sinuous folds of crease

No I will not wish upon the could've beens
I will wait in cornered hopes unseen
Consult with courage and show greater might
By forever loving from out of sight.

I will remember my wishful love
Your name dispelled my lonely doubts
The assurance it stamped me upon
But I won't let its secret out.

We are truly each others
We have our private room
Just around the corner
From bliss and lust ...and half a block from doom.

I wish you would change your quicksilver mind
Return us back the magic of us
Prove love is truer than quicksands of faith
Make
our quantum sundry sums add up..

Dont darling let a dead love lie
Don't  kill my love  it won't die...
Please resurrect what only you can heal
Dragon love carries an immortal seal.

Yes Angel...consider me a very
demoness
For a fearless angel to possess
To heal and show the guiding light
For my path was never ever bright

I'm this close to fainting from  my grief
Rescue my wanton heart oh please
My poor heedless head relieve
That you love me is all I need
Oh Let me live...
Let me believe.

If there's anything that I can do to make you forgive me, I shall-
Please let me try.
I won't question won't ask why
I have no pride left or self esteem
And yet my love I won't request,
I know that you know well all my dreams...

Dreaming about your loveliness
Visiting alone our magic place
Yes I will do it all alone
And in the darkness
being cast out of  your grace
I will stand still and quiet
and shake off my pain
And you will walk into this heart again
Treading upon the devil's gain
Treasure Island of pent up rain...
And one day -
At the end of a world walked in time,
Perhaps you'll call it home...
Perhaps I will call you
Mine.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014

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