Wag the Dog

I don't even cry anymore
I just rub  my eyes, try to
Erase the corners of my lies
And move and move
And move
Desperately out of my
Rut, this deepest groove

Sometimes a mental slap
Sometimes a pat
Hearts are puppies
dogged hope
Wag of tail
For a touch a semblance of affection

The mind masters it
Chains  it tethers it
But  it chokes on its collar
of craving
The brain raves rages
But the heart tugs reason to  the
Ground and races off center
Centering it's puppy
World around you. ...
The chewy bone of contention.

And if you
Walk it off. ..
It will simply return
It's head docile
upon your doorstep.

I have no more illusions
Left
Love
No expectations from 
You

I wait 
For my  release
Or at least parole
the pain of  pawing and clawing
Deadwood doors of exclusion
Erased
Or my nails clipped
To the bone..

I wasn't a beast  of burden
Only a camp follower
But

The weight of carrying this baggage  is
Growing heavy upon my
Shoulders.

It's  getting colder outside
Damp and  drizzly

Loneliness
Grating into my bones
But I'm not fazed
I wag the dog itself
A world of hope
In my feeble tail
Teeth chattering.

Crooning love songs
Set like artefacts
To your heart of stone
Settling down to grief fine honed
while art enacts my pain
And my waving heart 
quietly learns to accept
It's on its own and still
Wags its quivering  tail.

Quaver of the voice
Quiver of frozen limbs thawing
As lovely betrayals of hope Inside gnawing
Blood streaming courage
A most misleading Rain
No mercy begged or given
No blood stains.

Life denies me 
And erases it's evidence.
Of being
Thrown to the ground scornfully
Of my wrestling bouts
With pain.

Story telling yelping shrieking till I'm blue
So they'll say I was just wagging the dog
There's no way I'm leaving my napalmed Vietnam heart
Stuck eternally in the sunshine of the mind's ground hog.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014