Master teacher

You think you can't hurt anymore
You have sealed the escape clauses
Sealing waxed the envelope of
Emotions, written postscript
To pain and it's subtle causes.

But little did you know that pain is fine art
Like beauty it elevates the human heart
To new highs of  the inexpressible lows
Love that's inexhaustible, consumes you so.

You accept that the feeings are yours alone
And allow yourself to quietly mourn
Indifference can't, so help you God...
Hurt you again
But the Master teacher infinite pain
Stirs the wound and serrates the heart
With cold collected deliberate laugh
And with his easy sleight of hand
You very nearly fall apart.

I cannot feign the smile, it freezes up my face
Into a horrific mask
I cannot move once nimble hands, that numb while going about its tasks
I can only resist my curious urge to ask...
Is it over, shall we lift this sentence then?
From prisons of dull possession
Release this heart again?

I wish to continue to care, in a carefree manner
cozy and secure, easy of spirit to bear any departure
I don't even mind whose you're anymore
A healthy core of defiance almost heals all sores

Perhaps you think of me, I hope you do
I want me to be a happy thought, for you
A spasm of light fleeting through
More pretty than painful.
Therein lies the rub....
My wanting, my wanton lust
For approval...and your trust
When you and I must be
Forever separate entities.

Remember me then if you will
Even if with a gleeful grin, at my clowning still
Sometimes love is as simple as an act of will
And my pain is just a reminder that
This wound too shall heal.

But this wanting you to approve the mask I wear
Undoes it and exposes what I forebear
I love you is  an easy truth.
I am not sorry to admit it or even
How easily we fell apart
I am ashamed of only
What we never understood.

Can you fly without growing wings?
Can a crow turn to Nightingale and sing?
Can you stand up without the use of feet?
How can you fall in love
With no ground underneath?

Just as you were so are you now
Beautiful sorrowful wise somehow
Pain pays its surprise visit
To throw us off course
Buy into it, and it shows no remorse.

There's no pain, no longing, no desire,
Quench your thirst with love poured out
Willingly, from heart soul and mind,
To every fault generously blind
put out the wildfire... When hearts are
Misaligned.

© Amrita Valan 2015