Seperate

You are too late in bringing
Your olive branch
Too late in applying
Your healing touch
and the gentle heart you hid so long
And well
Your stony pretence carved my heart's hell
Now forever it dwells in secret places

Your concealed heart
Can't make mine its
Friend.... For it has healed
From the cards you dealt
And wounds were sealed
With suave skin shields
Smoother than a baby's skin.

The bleeding stopped long ago.
At first the scabs were tender
You left it too long to scar
But now those are silver stars
Of endurance
Angels from hell
who taught me fortitude.
And a few still remain
Deep etchings of pain
To warn my heart
May still hold some rain.

You want to pull me to you
But I have closed that door
Forever
It is an entrance
I can't define
As mine
Any longer.

But you know my mind too well
How easily it swells
Stubborn impetuous loyal
And think I will stay
And dwell
To be yours again.

You should be told
How it is my friend
How when I've drawn a line
I can't cross those borders again
Soft memories of scabs remain.
Too sore and septic
To assimilate.

Forgiving people who cannot,
Find heart to forgive anymore,
Find out that once they have
Closed a door,
A dream is gone
A world up in smoke,
Empty, devoid
Black hole
Room lost in forever,
Lies behind
Its tantalizing
keyhole.

Somehow we are together still
By some miraculous act of will
I respect a man I know
I cannot be yours
In my mind
I let you go.

You think I don't cry
Or that I have a heart of stone
To stay in our house
But not call it home.
I cry tears of rigid crystal
Deep inside my shredded heart
And they are all embedded in red flesh,
Knives digging deeper with
Every thrust.

And I had rather this worn out heart
Should jag and sliver and tear in two
Than ever I should come
Back
To that long lost softness
Past, that was
Meant for me and you.

Do not cry for me
I just know you do
The dreams are walking
Maddening
Memories in my head too.

A kindness to both of us  then
To ignore,
The walking dead
Till they walk no more.

But someday I will thank you
For being both unkind and yet so kind
Your tortuous games of mind
Will not allow me guilt
It was a crooked house you built
But as I grow older
From the sad windows of my
Empty castle
I see how you longed to be a prince
How we now occupy separate turrets
From where monarchs we survey still
Hushed independent plains
Rooms with severed views
My perspective has changed
You master your domain.

Thus far ....my story has been
Told
My years are grown up now and
old
And  I feel the safe fortress of
My doubts stronghold
I will be
Uncrowned
By your heart of gold.

© Amrita Valan 2015