The Hill

The Hill

If  I come to you
Howling in pain
If I come
Will you hold my hand?

If my tears don't drop
But redden my eyes
Will you close their lids
With kisses
And let them fall?

If my heart bleeds
If my heart grows heavy
If in darkness
My head grows heavy
Will you hear me
Will you lighten my life
Will you smile
And laugh
And take my trembling face
Begging for love
In your two hands?

I write this, knowing you will not
I have lost myself
In a love that's lost
You're gone beloved
I'm erased defaced
None can ease this pain
Ever again.

And you're my goodbye
You're my  farewell kiss
My curtain call
My poetic bliss
My expressed grief
Articulation's
Sad relief.

You're not mine
Not there
Not now
The you I love
Is living in my mind
And the other You
Who the whole world knows
Is not there with me
Anymore.

Will you be tender
Will you take this mind
Bless it kiss it blow it
Curse me with all your
Might?

Till I don't want to love you anymore
Till I don't want to sleep outside
your door.
Till I can turn my back on you.
And climb up the hills of my dead hopes
Over it to
Tumble down sweet virgin slopes
Of a could've been
That never can be
Disappear forever from
Your view?

Maybe in the brave act of crossing
I will be able to forget you
Forgiveness was easy to achieve
But memory clings like an obstinate child clinging for support to parent....
But you're not my caregiver and
Just not there
For me.

Honey love melts me
To hope
But love cannot be solicited.

You're not alive to my presence
Or attuned to my dreams...
Forgetting is not an option
So it seems
You're forever.
You're my memories
From now on.

Each goodbye I  write to you
Is one step  more
Another degree of separation

And one day I promise
I will
Disappear over the horrizon....

When  your new dawn will arise
Without me.
I will be then
In a tomorrow that's beyond your scope of reach.

This is the only  way...
Walking with hollow shells of
Some empty dreams
In my pockets.

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(c) Amrita Valan 2015