The Last Samurai: January 2015

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Alfresco Heart

Alfresco heart.
I owe you so much.
Oh how you want me
In sunshine to be
Under only such shades
That are cool open glades
You provide me room to grieve
and relieve my gloom
But never throw me in
To the darkroom
Of doom.

A canopy of stars.
Shines on my scars.
Silver cool touch
Caresses not crutch.

You want my festers to heal
To let out the pus
You invite the new
And reinvent us.

Alfresco heart
Content to be
Lovelorn and free
In your bonhomie.

Still hopeful heart
In beats and in starts
Runs the end of my race
More than lover's embrace.

Love
Under a tree
A rock
A lonely spot
A communion
Of soul
With its own silken thoughts.

A do as you please
A silk threaded breeze
A love you too much
A more human touch

Than lover's arms to hold me
A call inside that guides me
That pulls me out of the safe womb
Shines light through the darkest tomb

Alfresco heart
Liberates and guards
Frees me from all
To answer one call

The call of our deepest emotions
Our need for beauty
The search for vocation
Our sacred duty is much more
Than an occasion

To bask in the sun
Of a delightful one
Run my love run
Stay under this Sun
It Shines through time
For each and everyone.

Life is a race
Heart times it with grace
The clock long since wound.
To fly straight off the ground.

The beat in my chest.
says I survived this test.
And till death does me drop.
This true heart won't stop.

Come to Me

Hold my hand
Touch my heart
Save my soul

Come
Come to me
My life

On this day
The sea grows dark
The sky is falling
apart
Evening's shadows are drawing curtains
Sleepy inn....my world.

I am not here
I am in the afternoon
Of your love
Can't you hear me
Cry
Crying out your name
Loud into the bloodied skies
Again again and again
I call you
Your name is
Absolution
Your name is
Creation
Upon my tongue
You're shapely clouds my
Love
Dark forest trees
Grassy greens under my rolling feet
You're in and out my skin
Like lifegiving breath
Oh my love
You're right inside
Me.

Your name still rolls and rolls and cartwheels off my tongue
And my chest feels a great
Exhalation
Of my pure love
Transverse this universe
Moving from
East to west
Towards your
Love.

My eyes
My eyes blaze black
With inner vision
Recreating what
I cannot see

The sky has blindfolded my earth from
Your embrace.

Come my love
To me.

Hold my hands.
Touch my heart.
Join my soul.
And spin my life
Into ecstasy.

I'm waiting.
Forlorn moon brings a message
On my terrace.
And it is
Your forever smile
Of compassionate understanding
Helplessly lost
In the clouds of contrary continents.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Persona

We wear pretty clothes to look our best. For an occasion. A party, an interview or a function.

Ever wonder why souls don fleshy personas?

A beautiful body or a beautiful face is just persona.

Attire donned by the soul to fulfil this particular life's peculiar mission.

Therefore to want to be identical cookie cutter images of the stereotypical beautiful face or body as defined by Facebook, The Vogue Elle or Cosmopolitan is rather silly.
If you really think about it.

Why defy the soul's purpose? It donned this body because it was the best fit for its individual mission.

If you are not self indulgent but a natural plus size, genetically thick set and heavy featured, hook nosed with close set eyes...then perhaps that's what you need to be.
An owl must be wise and a canary must be a cute little fellow. Would you want them to be bedfellows?

Realize only this. That your destiny was moulded with a different purpose.

A lightweight aircraft or a biplane was built for one functionality likewise a boeing or jumbo jet for another.
Duh! Fairly obvious? So would you advise the jumbo jet to get sleek and dapper? Or the biplane to flex some more muscles by way of carrying power?
Hey guys I'm not saying "fat people! get fatter! Get ready to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders!"
Or to size zero folks, "You guys are just froth floating on the lips of life."

But only that happiness comes in different shapes sizes and packages.

The only uniform is individuality.

Why make it difficult to love yourself by denying your soul.
Lean towards it and you'll learn its secrets.
Truth is you cannot bend away without breaking.
You were built heart mind body to be the best You that you can be.

Try it. It will surprise you with a wild giggly chuckle. Of relief.
Dear Child O'mine...you're finally all grown up.

A lovely embrace when a soul recognizes itself.

Realign your vantage point.
See yourself as an efficient apt instrument. Purposeful and capable of fulfillment.

Not by a set rulebook but by intuitive and rational consolidation of natural assets.

The ore needs mining...for the soul to be shining.

Life is simply nightshift....digging in the dark through the dirt for inner wealth.
Sift through the germane dirt. Diamonds in the rough await.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Boatman

Help me I cry out
Despairing
Of balancing my boat
My boatman smiles
Icy granite
He knows and corrects my course.

Invisible shivers
Caress spine
Dumb wooden oar in skilled hands
Expertly plying
Through deep waters.
Moon floats magic...
mysteries unfettered.

Each tiny teardrop
You squeeze out of my wooden fortitude makes a wake
Wailing and
Splashing noisily
While
The night
silently gurgles
replete with
affectionate care.

And yet
The shaky boat balances under
Your all knowing feet,
And not you on it.

It's not you
O beloved boatman
But I who dare
Fate.

Steering
My shivering ark
To oblivion.
The dreaming boat
Understands your silent covenant
That it wavers like moonlit waters
And still dances to your elfin movement.

knowledge flowing
Upon floor of wisdom
Takes chances.
Not even your desertion matters.

Your command transmitting soul to
Lifeless oar...
Empowers them
Into Savior's arms.

Now setting sun
Makes fine haze of day
Night spreads fine meshed bridal veil
over my hopeful blush.

I sway joyful on precarious waves
Directed by slightest loving motions
Mere suggestions of nuanced hands.

Supplicant vessel and pliant oar
My suppliant will creating space
For your reign
Not your wilful wild dominance.
A subtle abdication satisfaction in your supremacy.

But now
Boatman you row
Away ...
lightly step
Onto the shores ...
Whistling teasing tune for
Carefree winds...

When is the next time
we sail?
I do not know.
You did not leave your note
On wind or water
For it neither floats
Nor rustles hope to me.

I'm staunch resignation
Stabbed by
tug of resistance.

Defy the anchors of muted destiny.

Pulls me back in slow sure circle....
waves make fluent ripples
Spreading and dying
Spreading and fading into
Futile temporal reality.

The wind makes waters speak
Tall tales whispered in the dark
Of a mirage
A boatman
Who sails accross the seventh sea
Igniting hearts...never
Seen.

Drowning fallen vessels on charmed fatal encounters
Till in the end
Wrecked amidst
jutting rocks under shallow waters that
could not hold them up.

Boatman do not tarry on my broken shores.
Upon your disappearance
Waits a dawn of truth
When I can inspect the damages
And still
bring out my
Diamond memories untouched.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Supposition

Suppose I was hurtling through infinite space
A streaking particle of light
Would I feel the crush of speed
As vast vaccum rushes by?

We need to perceive for the theatre of experience to be felt
Sensory organs need stuff, put in place of
Nothingness.

Light and shadow
Wind and rain
Likewise our imagined
Pain

No grain or molecule but
Suppose, I were to collide
And smash
All illusions of utter mismatch...

Supercharged molecules of personal choice
Master your mind
Before you conquer space...
Find your voice.

Suppose I were to ridicule
This fraudlence we perpetrate
God Life Earth and outer space
This calender of never ending dates?

Inside my head
Is a working mind
Exposing a vastness
An intangible inner space
Can we rationalize its existence?

Can we stop thinking?
Are there limits
Beyond our Imagination
Or just self imposed barriers
Abandoned benchmarks of our successive zeniths?

Suppose dying is just a causal giving up
The tick tock of finite resilience
Knowing that there are other paths
To presence and eternal emanance?

Suppose my love wasn't mine to give
Suppose it was more like Oxygen
The very atmosphere in which we breathe
Thus into our lungs and outward thence

Then how can you pick and choose the air you'll breathe
Whose acknowledged smile with your own smile you'll wreathe
Who you'll adore and whose return you'll take
Love was never just yours to make.

If
Love was primal preexistence
If love was the first coincidence
The supreme condition to being yourself
Who are you,
To define the borders, of its wealth?

And so twinkling I take the handed cup
Partake of the ordained honeysap
I appreciate all with who I sup
Hemlock or nectar I drink you up.

Life is a table at which I feast
And if with my name the Host marked my seat
I stand up and offer you a toast
Please accept my gratitude
My friends who are on the floor
Of defeat....
Waiting for crumbs
Allow me to wash your feet
The mercy I show you
Showeth me...

No barriers
No Time
No Space
No utterance
No silence
No
Night nor day.
Dark integral light
Dazzling extraordinary Blindness.
Marriage
Of anomalous axes
A gentle perseverance
A harmonic buzz
A pulsating caress
Snowflakes drifting through the mindscape
Thought explosion on instinctive sea shores primordial
Energy waves.

A port a harbor
An eternal anchor
Life
A marker...

A
directional compass
Compassion merging into
Grace.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Out of Eden

Please may I be excused for writing terrible poems?
For I'm in love
Like an enfant terrible I cant let go
Look at this tug of war
I call it love
It's a comic show

A coy dilettante
An opportunistic coyote
A brew of bubbly light insanity
Look at me how I wear a fools cap
And jingle its bell at you
I'm grabbing all the attention that I get
Concocting a messy stew

The thing about this heart is
Breaking it makes its rules
And always it's own restrictions
Resists like a hearty mule

Looks like a true blue love
On a worn out frazzled sleeve
Unhappily ever after
Live and let leave...
You live and learn
Your dues you pay
Your points to earn
No free lunch no easy grace
Doesn't matter I won't make my mark
An easy mark
I leave no trace..
Nothing matters in my
Sunken garden of evil
I handpick the forbidden fruit
I share it...with the devil

It's what you call a love bite
A brutal ejection of fangs
Bruised apple
Amused poesy
An eternity
Out of Eden
After this infernal
Night.

Good Bye Never Ends

A Goodbye Never Ends.

(Like my lengthy poems. :( )

You said No to me, that you can't anymore
You were polite sweetheart, though you showed me the door
And I am meek acquesent
My distress isn't for show
I am not going to fight you
And I'm not going to go.

I couldn't gather reason
Try to start a fight
It meant too much to lose you
I wanted to linger in your light.
Like a child I needed to hear you call me good
So goodbye I bade you and still silently I stood.

I must not add to your distress
I cannot bear if you lose face
So my love I withdrew.
But only to a safer place
And from there I quietly checked on you
And silent counted my days.

I needed to show you I'm civilized
And not without some poise
So many thanks my love I said
In tear choked cloudy voice.

Many thanks dear love
Much more than I can express
I hope I'm radiating enough strength
Mustering all my grace.

You must never feel to blame
Not once or even a bit
You have given up on me
and I sadly accept it

Why?
Because you are my installed god of love
My incomparable angel guide
You're my faithful sky above
so there my sun must hide.

My heart is in my mouth and it makes me feel dirty and uncouth
That try as I might I couldn't deserve you
What a strange pathetic truth.

Turn about now lost to view I'm just another Facebook page
One among some millions
Lost from your easy eager gaze.

My space is now a desert land
My profic pic amidst its sands
I'm no one special under your sun
You my love shine for everyone.

real life eyes sink in pools of black
darker shades than them I lack
Muffled under scarves and shades
Withdrawn I walk from life half dead.

And finally my love the torrent needs outpour
Rivers of grief rushing in to pool under your door.

Can you please tell me that you hear this cry
for if you cannot hear me how will you explain why

you made me a stranger, treated me like danger
Stabbed me to silence, snatched away my licence
sliced me without dagger
Severed my heart from my head
Till I could feel no anger.

I will remember you
When cold clutches the evening mist
Drilling in dead sweet nothings
Blood from pus filled cysts
Like sharp and ruthless shards
When your memories brush my cheek
Drawing blood from my dragon heart
The One who feels is never weak.

Each scale I grow upon my back
Each claw I cling to survival with
You'll never see the like of this
Strength from weakness is not a myth.

The toughest hide grows to protect the heart
untouched with the boon of bliss
The more the bane of pain it feels
the more the sinuous folds of crease

No I will not wish upon the could've beens
I will wait in cornered hopes unseen
Consult with courage and show greater might
By forever loving from out of sight.

I will remember my wishful love
Your name dispelled my lonely doubts
The assurance it stamped me upon
But I won't let its secret out.

We are truly each others
We have our private room
Just around the corner
From bliss and lust ...and half a block from doom.

I wish you would change your quicksilver mind
Return us back the magic of us
Prove love is truer than quicksands of faith
Make
our quantum sundry sums add up..

Dont darling let a dead love lie
Don't kill my love it won't die...
Please resurrect what only you can heal
Dragon love carries an immortal seal.

Yes Angel...consider me a very
demoness
For a fearless angel to possess
To heal and show the guiding light
For my path was never ever bright

I'm this close to fainting from my grief
Rescue my wanton heart oh please
My poor heedless head relieve
That you love me is all I need
Oh Let me live...
Let me believe.

If there's anything that I can do to make you forgive me, I shall-
Please let me try.
I won't question won't ask why
I have no pride left or self esteem
And yet my love I won't request,
I know that you know well all my dreams...

Dreaming about your loveliness
Visiting alone our magic place
Yes I will do it all alone
And in the darkness
being cast out of your grace
I will stand still and quiet
and shake off my pain
And you will walk into this heart again
Treading upon the devil's gain
Treasure Island of pent up rain...
And one day -
At the end of a world walked in time,
Perhaps you'll call it home...
Perhaps I will call you
Mine.

The Human Connection

I want to be honest with you
My friends are dear as life itself
And without them, its monotony
I cannot withstand
Friends form the Symphony
Of life's rag tag hiphop pop rock
raucous Band...

Drowning out the daily orchestra
Of events orchestrated by perverse fate.
At gloom's grungy gates and doom's devious doors
A friendly smile soft words and luminous glance
Stay tears or stop the ones that fell
Builds a makeshift heaven out of any hell
Heaviest loads lighten with a deadpan joke
And I'm even ready to accept your facebook poke ;)
I know how precious and how rare
Is a friend who has time to spare
To think of you
To let you bare your soul
To comfort your tears
To make you whole
To fill up those black holes of emptyness
By pouring in their own joy and happiness. ..

Sum of the parts
And greater than the whole
Friends are trusted treasures
More real than the faded dreams
Of two Twin souls.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

A Tale of Domesticity: Of Suds and Ends

The filled sink ominously gurgled as I plunged my hand in to remove the plug.
Whirls and eddies of tortuous escape leaving stranded pots and pans on damp granite.
Next the soaping and scrubbing
The arduous rubbing
A running argument with stains sentimentally attached to diffident dishes...
Lady Macbeth must have had an easier time scouring off the blood than me removing these stubborn hanger ons.

The steel wire mesh scratches poignantly tickling the obdurate tummies of saucy
Pans and lovely ladles.
Blossoming petulant buds of fulsome froth that burst in merriment mocking my grim concentrated determination.
The basin growls its discontent at the never ending passage of waste water.

Finally job done. The decadently luxurious dishes get stacked one by one on the draining board, patted dry gently shining silky clean smiles of amusement.

Yup. Dishes are cheeky. Cheeky devilish devices with evil designs to cling on to every morsel of food ever put upon them.

"Tomorrow we will totally get all messy again, right", they promise sparkling with derision.

The basin coughs a last noisy whoop as it ushers the remaining water out.

I take a deep breath.
Sending a prayer to the muse of manual dishwashing.

Please inspire all of us unlucky souls who signed up eagerly for this eternal bondage...
Inexplicably bizarre Kitchen /Basin Duties.

An afterthought. ...seriously ladies you need to think hard and really good. Not so fast with that "I do!"
"I do take you as my lawfully wedded husband...in sickness health...etc..." Fine absolutely. But remember when you sign on that dotted line there's no fine print that reads "in mucky grime and in yucky chores...in dirtiest dishes and most deleterious detergents...in muddied shoes and peevish potatoes. "

The sotto voice imp of domesticity is laughing hard and heartily... winking at the blind goddess of bliss when you exchange those innocuous wedding vows and smile beatifically.

Beggar Maid

King Cophetua married the beggar maid
Well I won't beg till I'm dead
How can you wed upon the vows, to obtain which you borrowed and begged?

Let me be a subtle thief instead
Steal away your heart on the sly
Breathe upon the wooden chest
Of hopes and dreams you thought were dead

Let me awaken the golden chords
Memories of a love you thought was faux
Let me the humbled wooer be
If beg I must- let me,
the sweetest beggar be

Your alms full well I shall recompense
Your hearth can't hold such wealth immense
So accept my vagabond heart and show me your gossamer soul
And you would have filled my begging bowl.

My love for you is a strange behold
It needs no more than words untold
I care nothing that I can't have your hand
That fathomless seas separate our lands
I don't need you to be mine.
My Darling, distance makes you divine.

Just own my thoughts
claim my restless soul
Call me yours
in words soft stronghold

Love god let me borrow
Joy from you and shed my sorrows
Rule my heart
For all our tomorrows.

I'm yours lay claim on me
Medium make me your lovely
Laughing poetry.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Vignettes on getting to know someone

Two Line Vignettes on Getting to know someone.

You know nothing
about me
And there's no us
Why I wonder then, All this fuss?
------------

Knowing nothing is sometimes a start to knowing someone.
Knock on the door but make no assumptions as to who will open it.
---------

You may ask me any question
That you have earned the right to deserve an answer.

-----------

I love you much more than you could think
In thoughts of you
Soft blue skies flourish
Lush green earths nourish
star studded dizzy 1100p1111pnights
Nodding giddy flowers
Spill out of my ink..

I love you
Much more than you can ever understand
And a casual stroke of my wavering wondering wand
can blossom a flourishing fairyland.
Just for you.

Fine blows the soft sand specks of time
Attaching to corners of our unwary eyes
tears of discomfort pricking
Rush of heart felt fears
Commitment the worst hated crime

But Love is like an elemental nursery rhyme
Elementary eternal it cannot not lie.
Like innocence it is full sublime
Fiercely alive it will not die.

In every age twin souls repeat
And sometimes two hearts as one will beat...

Listen....your conchshell heart and ears profound
Carry echoes of a roar....
An ocean of tears
Lamenting lost love
Perhaps you hear
the wistful sound?

Like child I lisp now in your ear
But another listens and so he will hear
Because
Love waits not in its onward assaulting flow
When love comes to you unasked
you can't afford let it go.

For even when it's not for you
It is Love
And love just grows and grows
And grows
On you.

Love lets us show
Our inner cores to our lover
And opens a secret door
To knowing more
Of us.....Over and over and over
In spiraling circles of life ascending. ..

And
Love just moves us
Till we believe
What we already know. ..
In ourselves lies
Love's Salvation
Yes
In Love's cradled comfort
and sweet stronghold alone
We finally grow.

The Quest to find out more about someone indicates desire to know with a greater intimacy.
Bizarrely it's the insane query that queers the pitch and drives a wedge beyond repair.
-------

I don't love you.
You're not making any headway.
It's a headache even to know what to say.

-----------

Know that you know nothing about me...
Now knowing nothing is the first step to knowing me.
.
-------

I cannot fathom what makes you tick
And taking me apart like a damaged clock
Is not going to make us click...

---------

Getting to know someone casually and getting somewhat closer are two separate processes.
Decide on the level of intimacy you wish to acquire.

---------

------------

I walk in wonder among the stars
Quietly wondering how high you are
Up Above my world too high
Like an UfO in the sky!
-------

In two lines or less I want to say
"Accept me no other way
Who I am is here to stay."

....3 lines?

I love you much more than you
May think
thinking of you
blue skies green earth and star studded flowers
Overflow my ink..

Much more than you can understand
For a simple wave of my magic wand
can bring to life a fairyland

Fine blows the soft sands of time
Love is an eternal nursery rhyme
In every age souls repeats
When two hearts in unison do beat

Like child I lisp it in your ear
But another listens and will it hear
Love waits not in its onward flow
And when love comes don't let it go

And even if it's not for you.
Let it flow
From me to you.

And I don't know what rejection is
As I care nothing for acceptance
With my heart have I made peace
My love needs no maintenance
And I love you knowing
Feelings ebb or cease with life
But days of diamond sun and
Crystal clearest breeze
remains in the heart
And goes on
From me and you
To other ones
These are the days
Of immortal bliss.

---------------------

Two Lines Part 3 A continuation

Seek high and low for me from coast to coast- I am the shadow of the ghost, I come, when you don't see me...

Appreciate your failings, for they keep you grounded . A wheel rolls fastest towards disaster when there's zero friction.

Amrita Valan

Now that my tears have frozen to hazy films, fact files of pain, it befits you to ask me why I cried. Even my tears are wary of you.

Amrita Valan

You say can we be friends from now this moment on without romantic attachments.
I am silent but I know you've heard my plea "Go on as you begun"

Two lines can run parallel tear tracks to infinity, or mingling streams create-a duet!a crescendo!a Symphony!

Habit is the hardest shell.
Breaking out is half the tale.

I am "be"ing- Me.
Me is disputable, transitory, engaging transacting and transforming "Be"ing into becoming, and presenting a new Me.

Amrita Valan

You've wizarded away my
Charmingly simple existence.
Beware!
For I have mastered your craft.

Lucidity is not profuse. Brilliance is the art of simplicity !

I have been to visit you in your pretty fairytale castle but at the witching hour, the woods went Grimm and the castle became a gingerbread house, and I was let out of the cage....for slaughter.

The mind fiddles with the dark more than the light
The mind flower's petals open up in the night.

Lucidity is not profusion. Brilliance is enshrined in simplicity !

I think therefore I am?
Or
I feel therefore I am.
I feel therefore I act.
But
I think therefore I'm free
To be and to act
Differently?
Don't know the answers but I love the mind that contains both reason and heart. :)

Two Lines Part 1

Appreciate your failings, for they keep you grounded . A wheel rolls fastest towards disaster when there's zero friction.

The tree of life calls me now
You ate my fruit discarding seeds. Like them, rise aboveground, be no more a weed.

The tree of life it calls me now
The truth of strife at
Odds somehow
One day we choke on mud but raise up our heads
And the sun will warm us when we're still and dead.

Deals seal business agreements. A bond is something more personal and fond.

Two lines Part 2

KBaby I may need you
Would you like me to?
Ruby..
Reflecting my desire
Adorning with hidden fire.

I dont know
why I do
the things I do
Why I
haste to drive your love away...
When the cost is more than I can
Pay...
Couldn't you, just once have said
Don't bury our love...It isn't
Dead?

I was sleeping and dreaming
That you came to me
Told me that you loved me
No matter what you see

People who use particularly filthy foul abusive language not to vent or rant at a general situation but as venom directed at a person...
Think they're wounding that person.
Think again!
You're simply reflecting a bit of your soul off her mirror!
The clearer she is, the brighter the reflection my dear.
:)

I feel too much. ...
When I understand my feelings.
They feel for me.
And finally let me be.

Inspired just now by Michelle's lines on commitment issues with pen and paper:

Half the time spent scissoring and slicing..
carefully censoring truth....
and then we dare to call these lines we write
Our poetic truth ?

Amrita Valan
:)

God is not an external entity
But a connectivity
Between the highest good in us
And the highest good of the universe
And somewhere in between
Falls the pen strokes of fate.
We can't have it all...and we learn. to accept

Amrita Valan
I wish to God ...I did not wish...
And then nothing at all
in Life
Would be amiss.
And nothing at all
Would matter...
And verily
The canker of inevitability
Would shatter.

There's an individual God in each of us
As there is an universal God encompassing all of us
One should never set the two gods at war
Daily accept with Grace that all will be fine
There lies our happiness on a borderline.

Inevitability is our own creation too
Only we're not always aware
How we are creating our own labyrinths
Juggling the jigsaw pieces of our existence.

My God....is a potent wish giver...not a wish fulfiller.
But we make God in our image...
So,
I think I will wish for a more fulfilling god.
;)
Pithy epigrammatic aphorisms
Sound best when they follow a train of syllogism.
;)

Your love is the strengthening backbone of truth....
articulated by caution.
Mine is the brutal avalanche of inevitability. ...
swift silent and sudden...And your Reason
cannot contain my Intensity.

I wish...My wish...Cry wish...
Thy...Lies
Sighs....eyes dry...
With death wish.

Giggles! Thought of a .....terrible one!

You are honey
And I'm the pot....
Sweet sticky forget-me-not.

The curve of your mocking smile
Traces the geography of my rough uncurbed heart.
The warmth of your honeyed gaze locks mine into serendipity.

My honey...
Wish I could contain
You... in a secret honeypot.
... drink your sweet potion of love.....forever.
Honey won't rot.

Futility and me...
Two is such sad company
Joy
If I allow you in
Tell me why it's such a Sin?

This has happened to me today after celebrating the kids start of first term breaks...2 weeks holiday with a treat!
Feeling bloated but unable to throw up! :/

Cream filled pastries and spicy buns!
After the eating, is never Fun.
;)

Mostly true....
Though I write happy too.

Me get happy too too much.
Poetry loses its delicate touch....

Me go sad and feel so bad
Poetry spouts like it never had.
Current Situations....vis a vis social media...

You were here ! And you were there!
Baby you were everywhere!
Doing watsapp and FB too?
Texting such a game for you...
Leave me a message. ..move to the next...
I'm sure you have too many to text
Meet your target or lose your edge!
Post a smiley on each page.

;)

Our lives are flames of worship
Lit to illuminate the dark...
Lifting our souls to unscaled apex and unimaginable pinnacles....

Curling all my thoughts around him
like a love sick puppy... chewing determinedly upon every bone of contention.

Curling all my thoughts around him
like a love sick puppy... chewing determination on every bone of contention.

I tried so hard to soar my kite
fly it high with the wind
pushing ahead my world of dreams. cutglass snapped the string
kite perforated in hollow grin
My ship sailed, floundered failed.
Adiós baby
hot-air ballooning I'll go instead!
; )

Trying my hand at Haikus

Trying my hand at Haikus...

clouds upon your blithe face
My heart reaching
Through blue space
Speedway to your grace.

-------

Clatter of dishes
Noisy clanging nuisances
Woman's suppressed voice...

---------
Your hand on my brow...
Flushed with fever's glow, or-
Maybe something else?

The Other Side of the Road

A simpler life I guess we all want that
From time to time.
The mess in my head
Was like an unruly sullen cloud
Refusing to serve or connect
I had done everything wrong
Before I was thirty.

Thinking things through
I realized
I had been gazing for a lifetime
wistfully
At the other side,
The wrong side of the road.

Whiling my life away, within, without .
Hoping
Things will get better on this side
my eyes firmly planted
With seeds of stardust sown
At midnight
Carried by the elusive wind
From nowhere,
From somewhere,
From anywhere,
Other than where I belong.

The other side always beckoned
My brittle brain
Like ships in bottles hint at fantastic voyages
Like rice grains with your name on it
In magical minutae
Make you wonder
At possibilities.

And when I was wondering
In a wild hollow despair
Just what I could do right
Life and it's partnerships
Rejected
Data type mismatchs.

I decided on a hunch
to erase it all
delete my programming.

Ironically I chose another program
Not life.
From there
Yes you're right

I had been gazing through a haze of hope
Taking my fill of the heartening vision
On the other side of the road

And many sinuous paths taken since
But never the undulating ease
Of my vision
Balm to distressed heart
Antidote and catalyst
Of pain.

Lightly the village belle
swayed her snaking hips
on a rusty path
By remote rail road track
Pot of water balanced upon her head
Returning composed
to some unknown
Humble homestead
Some rustic hamlet
Food to be cooked over
Fire to be made
Husband and children to be fed
Yard swept
And the pots scoured
For next day

Her lofty head proud carriage
The ceaseless matchless ebb and flow of
A life I envied flowing with ease of water through
time weaving fluid space
Into a magic of endless though
Numbered days
Easy as her hips
Carefree elegant sashay.

But
That was then
And trials and errors
Hard hits and misses have corrected my path
Tribulations have freed tears of truth
removed the stone chip in my
glass eye of inversions and parallax
My vision is freed of
Virtual images.

Now I know
Where I am
I belong

I am on
The other side of the road with a purpose
A formative plan
A quest
And
Two questions
can never match
The same answer.

Brazen

I'm a poet of inferior quality
I grab on to a word
An idea
A world
It won't let me be
It won't let go of me
I try and try and try
To rise above
The waves of pain
I cannot climb up to the light
Like a creeper I attach myself
to the statesque tree
and it's ignorant of
My plight.

For all those of you
Who can see the light
Who live in the light
Who are the Light

For those others who
Bask in reflected light
The deflected glory
Of some stately oak

Thank you for existing
Beings of Radiance
Bringers of sunlit happiness

In our darkest beds we lie
At the heart of our
forest growths
A keening zest
A fierce taste
A crying need
For Life...

Forgive us
We cling on
For dear life.

Ignore scorn and shame
But the forest fire rages
In our hidden hearts
Untamed.

It will raze
you and me
To the ground
The day
We greet sunlight.
No fear...
Shame stripped off our bark.

Scorched much too late
We're brazen tinder wood
In
Autumn's embrace
Of fiercest funeral
light.

Sporting Goods

I was passing by a busy thoroughfare
Weekend outing
the shop opposite carried the legend
Sporting Goods and Equipment

I recalled how enthusiastically I had shopped for gym wear
wrist bands sweat bands sneakers
So I just stood in front of the display window
A moment's obeisance to
Another dead dream.

The pursuit of a figure like the wind
Starry eyed vision
dancing upon dry leaves of decay of resolution
Gone with the wind
While I went in hot pursuit of new plans for happiness.

Wastelands of disposal.
Disposable me. Used up.
Ready for removal.
Life doesn't stamp expiry dates
Just snuffs out the candle.

Meanwhile tell tale signs
Thickening waist
Thinning coiffure
Laughter lines and crows feet
Crowding the face.

And still we want to be feted
Where ever we go
And gear up for approval
Ultimately we're sporting goods too.
Object of the sporting world's casual disposable glance
And all the equipment we use
Cannot erase the question from our eyes
Are we still suitable for view?

I have carried the metaphor too far
And now I cannot digest the things I've said
Upon my word I'm a serious poet
It's my work alone that you need to read and validate.
The Facebook display is just Window dressing
Your call... to dismiss or not
But
This ink won't titillate.

Life On A Timer

No I'm not dying and this is fiction.
:) I hope it holds some meaning. For whatever it's worth I leave it to you my friends.

Life on a Timer.

Six months to live. Dated . Knowledge of the expiry date. Life on a timer.
And the sunshine dazzling so meltingly...the shadows erupting to gentle cobwebs of memories.
Each memory a story but also a stop watch of time consumed.
The story the story burning alive like a blazing bush when the mind knows a few turns of the page lead into the finality of The End.

The afternoon is fine etched. Each heartbeat is joy and sorrow.
The dread and panic of every breath every mouthful of fresh air when I look at those little growing bodies those fresh innocent faces peaceful in sleep .
Oblivious to mother's life ebbing away....of the runaway rogue tide of time carrying away their mamma out to a sea of no return.
Lumps crumbling inside the chest...I have comforted you my son. The best I could.
I have promised you my son. You will see me again. I have assured you my son I will return to you to be yours again...as an acknowledgement however feeble to reality I have conceded I will not be your momma but your baby daughter.
I have watched the cloud burst of worry on your little face washed away by sunshine. As you gleefully chirruped threatening to spank me for my future misdeeds. And then your soft angel eyes dissolved in love and you said I won't hit you when you're my baby, mamma, I will love you ...and I will wait for you to come back to me again.

Last night was the torture chamber again . When I admitted to you something that never occured in your baby mind.
You had successfully resolved the trauma of my approaching disappearance with the comfort of my eventual reoccurrence.
As your baby. But I had to tell you that when I come back again I will not remember that I was your mamma.
And your soft satin face was in tender shock. Which means I was correct in my assumptions. When you pulled yourself together with unaccustomed effort my little man, I was in tears under my blanket breaking my heart over your bravery. Over the need for it.
Over the treacherous gift I have handed down to you.
This life.
My love.
Our memories.
And my son someday will you grow up in your heart?
Forgive me all my lies.
I did want to live on see you and my probable granddaughter.
I do want to see you again...
A next life would be heaven itself if It meant I could be cradled in your arms.
And all these fairytales I told you are loving certainties in my mind.
For I cannot do without them.
And their power of comforting you. You and me.
No resurrection can be more joyously awaited than our tender reunion.
I hope my son that the word hope means something. That my hopes dreams and earnest wishes earn us the points required. For my world to collide with yours again in a meaningful fashion. In Time. Or out of it.
Though that's the place I cannot imagine.
Somewhere. Somehow.
Upon some universal day. In the distance.
And though all things look small from a greater altitude I pray that these thoughts of you gathering in my heart remain till the end. When Time breaks to reveal that which is beyond.
If you are not there. Or if you're and I don't remember you, then I don't think I want to reach that pinnacle.

Or else if I live to be a hundred and fifty and pass away in my bed peacefully surrounded by kith and kin and progeny...This beautiful day this infinite tenderness this fetching fascinating moment of my purest love will not meet validation.

The sunlight goes out.
The moon flows its milky froth and the stars are awesome bright.

Venus grows bigger in the western skies...its glow is prophesy of perpetuation.

The cool evening air makes patterns of paradise. Counter reality check.

I came alone I go alone.
But I leave you my heart behind.

Boat of existential reality rocks contrapuntally.

This love. It swings us too high. Then low as we can go. But always the feet touch the ground in rebellious upthrust. Swoops our being in blissful upward motion towards chariots unknown ... change... hope...love.

This key that unlocks all mysteries cosmic and divine.
I am pledging to you. Like a baton. Hold it in your hands son...
Run the race of your days a man... but never lose this key...
Which opens the door beyond all doors....unleashes a love of which there is no locking.

Dead Book

Charlie Hebdo. I wonder. Where they disrespectful of religion or trying to tell us not to take religion and ourselves so seriously?
Is nothing sacred you might ask?
But is anything about life utterly untouched by the profane the mundane the messy? The most beautiful flowering bush is rooted in mud drawing it's nourishment equally from death and decay as it does from sunlight and air. Let's get real folks and lets get together. Because nothing about life is unadulterated beauty and purity. We're human after all and life gets dirty and rough at times. Comprehension I'd say is the source of compassion.

God book word book fade book dead book
Floors crumbling
Glass Ceilings
Deadwood floors
Collapsible doors

Le color noir
Hard to decipher
Tales taller
than roses in December
Hard boundaries
Free Shipping no handling charges redemption on delivery
But no returns non refundable
If dissatisfactory.

Heretic lunatic blasphemy apostasy traitor betrayer
Such are the titles if you call them deceivers
The Men of God
the Son of God
The prophets and the prophetesses

Hang out with them or they'll hang you high
Outcast you from living life.

Enough said... Respect the dead.
The book of life is in our head.
Those preserves of past situations
Are suggestions not blueprint for your decisions.

Dead sea scrolls salted through time
Caveat emptor
Caves collapse to dust
Time exposes the age old lies.

God or Not?

Yes Guruji u bet... I am delighted. I believe. In God. In his power to help me guide me protect me and er.....save me?Exact thing I would say to God fearing people who think I should say that. Believe that. Live my life by the coda of eternal reward or punishment.
Being good to obtain the goodies.
I am god fearing. However God is not an external omnipotent deity to me but the maximum potential I'm capable of actualizing. By belief. Self Belief.

We like to believe in an external source of superpower an omnipresent guide providing protection and a road map
leading to eventual reward or at least sorting out the conflicts that survival entails.

Now, that's a great power to harness into our everyday lives...and the best thing about it is you simply switch it on yourself. You may call it by any name God Allah Ishwar Jesu but it's Yours to click on or off.

The power to believe in another greater benevolence,a more superior strength and morality than ours, it seems, is greater than our power to believe in our innate ability to be a benevolent strong compassionate life force.
Yet all those qualities we innately possess in some degree.
When we pray in impassioned need to belief, to a 'God', we awaken direct and focus those qualities to a greater degree.
Twenty first century I propose it for you to hem and haw accept or dispose.
That's your God. Therein he lies.

What's self belief? How do we go about acquiring it in the face of insurmountables?
When the world seems verily against us when nothing goes right why do some press the defeat button suicide button I give up button?
Why do others click on the try harder button never say die or anything is possible with God button?
The pattern of the negative reactions to problems is simply withdrawal symptoms. Retreat and surrender. Life forces succumbing to death. Whether you commit suicide or not.
The pattern of the positive reactions is really saying that there has to be a way around the problem and harnessing resolve determination creativity and perseverance. Thank you God for being that catalyst which speeds up the pathways to self discovery heightened fuel capacity hiddrn reserves to light an unquenchable inner flame.

God is flash of understanding. Arisen in our lives from a need to face defeat to deal with it.

Glory be to the Name of clarity which needs must be mystified for the light of the blazing bush of our inner strength is too dazzling far too dangerous for our daily lives.
Amen.

Treatise of Love

Neither earned nor deserved
Freely given graciously accepted
An act of grace but not of charity
A choice to make
But never to beg
Be grateful for Love
Never scorn the giver
Never expect
Love because you're a lover.

Admire from afar if you've got it not
Shed your jealousy if another is sought
Don't keep scores or settle old debts
Love can't be measured or mauled to death
There's no love that's false
No love fully true
In differing degrees people matter to you.

Real love implies its foolproof nature
But a lover may be fooled misled
By caricature
Of love
The only evil is to pretend to love
When you know that you're insincere
Please take your fraudulent love out of here.

Cliffhanger

I wish I was wise
In this fake
Encounter with life.
Teetering on the edge
Like a Drunken driver atop
Life
A lonely cliffhanger awaiting utmost loveliness in the drop
Death shines its solitary moon on me from the precipice
Of tenderness
Sheer blank blackness majestic dazzles me with its vast shroud of compelling mystery

And I remember nothing anymore
Neither Life nor death
Neither love nor pain
Neither stillness nor motion.

In the darkness fantastic
The heights of achievement hide sarcastic
Stars twinkle the distance
Teasing suspensions of romance
Distant kiss of death
By Lover.

So overwrought
Misery pens my last poem crafts crazed suicide note... a lover's kiss smudged tear tracks...

Looking through the glass
Of hard restrictions
A railroad track of memories
an attic preserved in heart shelves of treasures.

I am a wisp a wish in the wind
a wooden nymph a dryad
in the desert breeze a lonely whisper of empty kiss
a vacant pair of longing lips a
final greedy dying sip I'm everything that you may imagine
And nothing that you dared.

Will you please
Remember this
Creature's
Wild cry yearning to be yours
To miss
But
never yours
To contain in bliss?

If I were wise
I would take a drink.
And another
And one more
Till all I remembered of
My selfish self
Was that I was
Falling asleep.

Yes life my drunken driver
Falling off the precipice
...Moonscapes mitigate
madness
Dancing in desolation
Divine destinations.
Destruction devour me
oh be mine
Tonight

Starlight star bright
Falling star and shooting star
wIsh I wish I.
I wish not to be
Not
To be here.

Inner Love

Making love to you in my head
Seeing you standing outside the gate
Holding hands and walking in
loving you and caring.

Traveling miles inside my mind
We're watching vistas passing by
My head upon your shoulder leaning in
How can being in love be demeaning?

Kissing the knuckes of your precious hands
Seeing you smile is a happening
Inside a dream that's recurring
Crazy love keeps occuring

I'm at your door and light creeps in
I look through the window and the breeze sneaks in
The trees brush my face and offer solace
But into your life there's no opening

Never mind I'll see you again
Someday somewhere in parallax ways
I am content to paint the desired scenes
The painted scenes of love
Glow brighter in the light
That is imagined.

It's a light and shadow show my friend
It's surreality beyond your ken
My multiplex mind chooses the show it seeks
Loving more what it cannot keep
Paradise lost and found on love's road trip.
A Love song beyond our human grip.
All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014

Of Djinns and Genies

I don't do make up
When I cry so much
Smudged eyes are bemusing
The damp drying in my eyes stiffening lashes accusing.

So I look through wet lenses
A subdued enbalmed world

The sounds go by like distant galaxies removed from mine.
I'm imbued in silence.
Horns honk bells chime
Kids yell pain yanks
The water delivery guy rolls noisy bottles to quench thirst.
Metallic clang of gas cylinders the delivery man bangs upon my door.
I wonder how he would react to see me huddled upon the floor.
Deranged disarranged.
And hurriedly get up to impose decency check reflection in the mirror damages repair
Looking respectably forward to liquid petroleum.

While liquid love listens to life gurgling
And hangs it head in shame and hides inside and tugs heartstrings from perversity.

The money paid I smartly lock myself in.
The Djinns of lamentations are soon let loose again in the empty flat
Bottled genies wail unrestricted at the walls
Walls wailing back
and forth
This freedom is desolate baby's
Forays without caretaker.
Not an adult liberation from fears.
No my brighteyed face is a hollow uncertain moon
I grew up the girl inside
Needs to soon.

Sugar Trap

Have you fallen out of love with me?
Were you ever in love with me?
Trick questions to elicit pity
Deserving trick answers.

Dissolved in you slowly I become liquid
Cannot maintain impervious stolidity to your sugared bait
My porosity sucks out my essence.
I'm defeated and drained.
Resolve oozes out of me to cancel your absence.
I leave my shell for your love.
It's now lifeless.
Trying to fit into my old skin is
Attempt to resurrect a carcass.
How I have come undone
How I wish I had
Resisted the temptation to
Explore
experience my vitality
Becoming your extract.
What I need now
Is
Reverse Osmosis.
Self Recovery.
Still fighting for my
Life
To the death
To escape from your
Sugar trap.

Wag the Dog

I don't even cry anymore
I just rub my eyes, try to
Erase the corners of my lies
And move and move
And move
Desperately out of my
Rut, this deepest groove

Sometimes a mental slap
Sometimes a pat
Hearts are puppies
dogged hope
Wag of tail
For a touch a semblance of affection

The mind masters it
Chains it tethers it
But it chokes on its collar
of craving
The brain raves rages
But the heart tugs reason to the
Ground and races off center
Centering it's puppy
World around you. ...
The chewy bone of contention.

And if you
Walk it off. ..
It will simply return
It's head docile
upon your doorstep.

I have no more illusions
Left
Love
No expectations from
You

I wait
For my release
Or at least parole
the pain of pawing and clawing
Deadwood doors of exclusion
Erased
Or my nails clipped
To the bone..

I wasn't a beast of burden
Only a camp follower
But

The weight of carrying this baggage is
Growing heavy upon my
Shoulders.

It's getting colder outside
Damp and drizzly

Loneliness
Grating into my bones
But I'm not fazed
I wag the dog itself
A world of hope
In my feeble tail
Teeth chattering.

Crooning love songs
Set like artefacts
To your heart of stone
Settling down to grief fine honed
while art enacts my pain
And my waving heart
quietly learns to accept
It's on its own and still
Wags its quivering tail.

Quaver of the voice
Quiver of frozen limbs thawing
As lovely betrayals of hope Inside gnawing
Blood streaming courage
A most misleading Rain
No mercy begged or given
No blood stains.

Life denies me
And erases it's evidence.
Of being
Thrown to the ground scornfully
Of my wrestling bouts
With pain.

Story telling yelping shrieking till I'm blue
So they'll say I was just wagging the dog
There's no way I'm leaving my napalmed Vietnam heart
Stuck eternally in the sunshine of the mind's ground hog.

Not Once Again

It's Not Once Again.

The earth turns and returns
So do our memories
But nevermore does it reverse gear
To yesteryears
No retrograde in real time.

So daydreamer
At the altar of the inner clock
Watch that clock on the mounted wall
Depleting your seemingly bountiful wallet
With the swinging cheek of pendulum
More remorseless than hammer and mallet.

Time the surrealist striker
Goes fastest
When you're a radiant
Cinderella at the ball
At other times it creeps eerily
In life's examination hall.
Like a blank page your day shines upon its face
And its humorous hands softly trace
Track the patterns of each day
Well spent or spent without exchange.

So I won't place this doom on you
That for your wake up kiss I wait
I am up and about and refreshed
I learnt when I'm down
I'm not done yet

A tender tale was yesterday
Today dry rose of retrospect
I wrap you around my heart so tenderly
Hoping that the delicate press
will keep eternally fresh and alive
The loveliness
Though flowers that budded upon your lips are withered blossoms
Gathering words sentenced to sleep I weep
And though I pleaded that you forget me not...
Those forget-me-nots
Are all I can keep.

This is a dream.
A waking scream.
This is nightmare
In broad daylight.
When all I see
is my mind's eyes
And blind am I
to actual sight.

Both are truths.
Both must live.
If one were killed
By other
None would remain
To forgive the killer.

Dreaming mind I soothe you to sleep...
Tomorrow we both shall either weep.
Or painfully towards new light shall creep...
Only the climber gauges if the path's too steep.

I have fallen stumbled slid upon my belly
Come down an avalanche in torrential flow
Or in painful glide which scraped my soul's elbows
Skinned alive and flayed of hope...
The skin of self esteem denuded naked ashamed alone.
Every rope of safe passage a delusion.
But the one I clung to with belief
Was alone sturdy enough to offer relief
And upon every hidden rung my hurt and tears I have sung.

From the bottom of my gully I shall climb
dreading to lose this foothold of flimsy loving
That cannot take the weight of real love and loss
Dreading but never ceasing...
Again and again.

And active mind alert and taking stock..
Calls suchlike love an absurd mock...

A smile the world turns
A delicate mile
And at the turnstiles of tears
You turn
Return my smile for a little
while.

There is no mockery
No mock love
And even in the praise of the mocking bird
Language lives and heart's intentions come across.

Desert Song

My poems are too long much too long
Do you wonder the length of a desert song
I singing cry so that my heart grows flowers
Living and blossoming a single hour.
Now tears adieu and calm within.
Dawn washes off my
penitent sin.

But night grows anew its fatal dew
Glazing moon with a maddening hue...
The blue black blurs of absurd desire
Invisible to diurnal fire.

I write I write I write
I think
Till pain
Tires of my paintbrush and
Sinks again...
I pour out poison from my brain
Nectar of Gods turn foul in these human veins.

The Futile Teardrops

The futile raindrops are pouring again
Not now never not again
Freezing the marrows of my bones
What a blaring idiot feels such pain.

Tend your child he grows in leaps and bounds
The rainbows hues of his vision changing tracks
Ebbing and
Flowing into another day
You will miss
The entire spectrum of his life
If you sit and nurse this dull throbbing ...then

Rise and pretend no more
That your mortal life is of no
Value
It matters more than
If you were an immortal elf
and
Should rain clouds congeal
Should sorrow come showering down
Float dreams upon puddles of distress
Sail paper boats of nonchalance.

This sighing mind is a dreary ghost
Vacationing out on the dark edge of town
Always seeking new sensations
Always ready to wear the thistle crown

Wearying of life, No matter that it matters
The mind masterminds its sweet distress
Abrading the joyous heart
Ousting happiness from its rightful place.

I'm going to just ignore this rain
This elegant showcase of trivial pain
Stifling my demons of unending stress
Take my self lightly and pray for grace

Then light a lantern in my soul
Breathe deep the incense of
Simply Being
The heady fragrance
Of simply seeing
Seeking setting free the
Sorrow.
No one, not even I
Can fully belong to me
At the very end
We meet to merge
all our tomorrows.

Creeps Up On Me

Wild fire bonfire
Bones of
Fortitude
Heart fire heart pyre
December glows into
January mists.

Mistakes the mind makes
Crippling carriage
But walk walk walk away
From the
Kiss of death.

There is a great garland called loneliness
A wreath that suffocates
Support the handicap
And you can never get to your feet again
News feed flash drive
Ugly scoop of life
A would be Ulysses
Died of cold
In the park.

So I had lit my bonfire
In vain
The souls were beyond Savior's gaze
As only the unholy gibberish they spouted made any sense
My heart a mimicry a remix of
Nonsense
Public isolation...putrefying social media flowers of
Pretentious grace

Coat of many colors on
Shady hat of hate.....
the coated walls gloat silent threats
The ominous dark bloated with fear
The grating of ferocious gates.

For sure
I'm not going anywhere
But I will keep looking keep walking and see-king
I know you are hanging on
by a loophole to the thread of my life
Somewhere out there
And spinning will loom up
Once upon a doomed door
To heavily ever after.
Now I'm not trivializing.
We're all trick or treat
Travesties.

Meanwhile
Gorgeous shades blind these eyes of mine
As neighbors draw up bridges over tremulous moats
Of their troubled waters.

I enter now into the house of existence
That's crooked
Curling its pain on the corner
Looking at me
And smiling
Survival's
crooked wicked grin

You're not about
To see me smile
Gloating and bloating
False coatings of serenity
Welded over
The howls held in...

Why are we doing this
Why not burst into tears
Of raucous joy
The sunshine is raunchy enough
Without our rants
Pain lies pungent on the pavement soaked in its mess
Where the homeless blind slept
But the morning erased all offensive trace.

Open your eyes and open houses
God exists in open spaces exits the closes
Your claustrophobic circumference will only make sure
You crawl uphill on your belly...
Digging dirt heaps....
It creeps up on you....
The weight you endure.

You have been taught
And now you're learned
Scholars of Joy school is over
So rejoice!

Midnight has turned us into witches coven
Christmas eve
New years eve
We countdown to the second
Like surreal timers in microwave ovens. ...
Two...Three...One!
This is Fun...
Watch how
Our howls in unison
Will drive to oblivion
The horrendous howls
of the madman on the street
Screaming for a blanket.

The cold has crept in
My cashmere chilled
This entry through to the
New Year
Strikes posies upon my eyes
Two frozen shots of lead
Digging its ditch
Into the landscape
Of my numb unfeeling face.

Hurrah ! Let's get it on....
Begin the merry rigmarole
Of another year
Our wardrobe of disguises
Have been purchased.
Benefits organized benefitting
No one
Charity is a slippery tax evader
Everyone the same
Fooling none
Striking surreal poses
In a maze
Where a multiplicity of multitudes
Creates clones droning the same
Chants and rousing cheers
But that's just the
Game to play so
Happy New Year.

Thirteen Minutes

I can't write about this.
Yes I can.
Precious most mine...you're giving me time on the sly though you're so busy.
13 minutes staring at the screen..
At your lovely face.
At the magic comforting words "online"
And not allowing myself to talk to you though it stretches my heartstrings to breaking point.
Loving you against all advice has become my passion.
You make me dream such things as cannot be admitted but it can burn the paper I write on, burn my cheeks and set you ablaze my sweetheart.
I can feel your presence.
We both came online simultaneously.
Somewhere in your land, you are sitting while
I'm lying upon floor cushions dreaming of you.
We're so near in our hearts.
But oceans and deserts stretch between us...
I am numbed
I am numbed
This is not pain
This is distance
Inexorable.
This is not torture
It is the laughter of God
Thundering through space.
There's no cruelty
But miles without
Milestones.
Numberless.
Timeless.
I am infinitely dazed and I draw a blank when I try put words to these feelings
Such love is slanderous of love itself
Giving you and me no respite
No touch
No pleasure
Unless of wistfulness.
I am softened I am jelly I am melting I am fluid i am current
I am almost done.
I am everything I have never longed to be before..
I want to be that which I cannot be.
I am in love inside a never ending dream.

Another Two Lines

Shameful blushes warming cheeks.....
Crushing on unknown man isn't legit.
But better that than burning my finger tossing home baked bread
Better my flushes
Than scorched fingernails.
Curling all my thoughts around him
Like a lovesick puppy.
Timidly tucked in,
my Tale.

Speeding through this Tunnel of
Love. .....knowing I'm just a passing train......

An elegant gray box
Golden diagonal lettering
swirling accross it
The legend
A child's pleasure in mommy's perfume enhanced
by the cuteness of the cipher
"Charlie"
For the longest time she thought it meant
The Prince of Wales..

Toy Story
In Parts Over 2 Generations...

Playing with the 19 dolls I got on my fifth
Was too overwhelming
Mommy duty
to so many babies deemed impossible!
So 17 were expelled for life
To mom's showcase.....
And only
The best and the ugliest adopted..

----------

I was a cruel child momma...
My petite brunette was rendered bald from brushing and denuded for a bath that peeled arms and legs from sockets
and never dressed again!

---------

The big blue eyed blonde was reverently laid to rest in its gift box..and there it lay
Like the waking undead...

----------'

Skin and bones mamma not yet four feet tall
Acutely surveys
Her children of a lesser God.
Loved like a hurricane...
And since then retains
Beloved snapshots
cute
Memorabilia of carnage...

---------------
The papa Teddy and the mama Teddy placed side by side..
Mama's two hands attached to a plump satin heart ...and small baby bear on the side.
My kids are playing at happy families too
Like the rest of the world...

It's too late
I have entered the wonderland of your heart...
And this mad tea partying will continue March Hare and all
No use declaring
Off with your head

For all advocates of covering women up.....equating modesty with shame and proclaiming both as virtues!
Pride in roots, cultural values and tradition is excellent if it does not strangle the growth of the optimistic shoot towards the sun...
A flower need neither hide its face or its beauty to the world. But it's upto the world not to pluck it or tear it's petals...

Version 2

For all advocates of covering women up from head to toe.....
Equating modesty with shame and proclaiming both as virtues is not legit...

Pride in roots, cultural values and tradition is excellent if it does not strangle the growth of the optimistic shoot towards the sun...

A flower need neither hide its face nor its beauty from the world.
But it's upto us, the arrogant world not to pluck it or tear it's petals...

Two Lines More

In Tampering with love
I transformed my heart
Into a pink bundle of feeling flesh...instead of a warm welcome to a fellow soul I am butcher sacrificing myself.

Not anymore a lover
annointing her twin flame.
But a gamer outwitted
trying hard to win the game.

I had sell my soul for two kind lines from you...
But the going rate is a throwaway, so please don't feel flattered.

There was a time there was a place
When love meant annointing with passion's grace
Now business conducted at marketplace
loving become an unholy race.

Laugh at me a little, or laugh a lot
Scorn me mock me the fool you sought
Forget my value in your thoughts
Hand me anything but your hate
For that I cannot tolerate....
Erase my memory, despise me not.

My love is a double edged sword
It cuts and dissects that which it tries to hold.

I love you
No doubt it must be true
Because...
I'm beginning to frighten both
Me and You.

The trick is to behave very well
Though the trickling trail of rain
Inside the mind
Tells tales of drowning
And going insane.

The thundering Gods upstairs
scold rebuke and send mighty deluge!
What have I to fear from a flooded world
When drowning in rivers of lonely tears
My last refuge.

I am the rich sustaining mud
And you my lovely lotus
I'm enriched nourishment
And not cast off as detritus
I'm your solid bed of love
You my lover in coitus.

To grasp at our straws of faith and doubt
Is to dare truth from its hidden closet out
Surety is a state of mind
For you must seek if you need to find

To dive in to the deep ends of fear
To cut off the ends of telomeres
Age is a fraction of impulse
A lifetime in the beat of a pulse

To leap and tumble to somersault
To carp at nothing but embrace the faults
The flaws you perceive in existence
Translate to feats of valor in future tense

Poets are such lying two faced tiresome Januses!
Then again,
being Ubiquitous is the tiresome business of applying mosaic vision.

Wish desires to be fair.
Inclination wishes to be partial.

Perhaps the condensed spirit of all the poems we write in our lives may be poetry. Perhaps the one perfect poem our masterpiece makes a poet out of the most mundane um...poem writer.
And perhaps the perfection that eludes us all our lives lives on as the wistful poetry in all our failed efforts.
And the nature of poetry will fling off all our attempts to define and contain ...and a collection of musical words will become a lovely lyric for a lonesome soul.
For me a poem is itself the spirit of a living soul touching inner beauty. So I respect them all.

Who is a beggar?
One asking for alms?
What if I have earned it?
The right to expect your humanity?
What if you give not because I need, but because you need to.
Who is the beggar then..
We're all beggars begging daily for love affection understanding compassion opportunity expression.
We're begging our souls to rise and shine and make us proud of our selves.
We're begging to achieve.
We beg your understanding
Dear God and fellowmen
Beggar is not a dirty word.
It is how we treat them and our own neediness that beggars us.
Of Compassion. Of esteem.
And truly makes a beggar of us.
One who hasn't a heart large enough to admit he needs help.
If you can never ask courageously for help shrugging off humiliation how will you learn to help yourself my friend?

Today's beggar is tomorrow's almsgiver.
The Universe throbs pulsates and winks ...Pay it forward.
And be courteous. A human being just asked you to hold his hand and help him up, just for a while. ...

Version 2: Beggar

Some Thoughts on Begging....

(Inspired by many dear friends.)

Who is a beggar?
One asking for alms?
What if I have earned it?
The right to expect your humanity?
What if you give not because I need, but because you need to.

Who is the beggar then?

We're all beggars begging daily for love, affection, understanding compassion, opportunity and self expression.

We're begging our souls to rise and shine and make us proud of our selves. We're begging to achieve.

We beg your understanding O
Dear God and fellowmen and friends.

Beggar is not a dirty word.
It is how we treat them in our thoughts and perception and our own neediness that beggars us.

Of Compassion. And of esteem.
That is what truly makes a beggar of us.

One who hasn't a heart large enough to admit he needs help. If you can never courageously ask for help, shrugging off humiliation as false pride, how will you ever learn to help yourself my friend? Or help anyone else for that matter?

Today's beggar is Tomorrow's almsgiver.

The Universe throbs pulsates and blinks and winks ...
Pay it forward.

And be courteous while doing so.
A human being just asked you to hold his hand and help him up, hedid not climb on your shoulders and settled like Sinbad's burden.

Hold it just for a while.
When you walk away it might be with a smile.

My tears are heavy water
I can't take their weight.

( Posted As a comment.)
R Reed Rosson
Where I come from being a feminist means respecting my rights and desperately trying not to let "Man"kind infringe on them.
And a fair feminist need not be at odds with a true humanist.
:)

Two more Lines

Happiness eludes me when I crave or expect it
Happiness is mine when I neither want nor wait for it.

I cherish nothing but my love and gratitude that those dear to me exist.
Your loving me back is a gift
Unearned I lay no claim to it.

I'm happy that you love me
Without expectations of constancy.
But rejoice in the moments that we together be.

Here I am
And here you are
face to face
A veritable
Wilderness of memories
Overgrowing our living space

Where even the idiot box
Presents it blankness
With intelligence

Why
Won't you
Look at me?

My mom often said to me when I expressed teenage angst and discontent
Dont try to be happy dear try to be grateful.

I am content dear lord that for every pothole I stumble and fall into, there's always a willing pair of hands to help me up.
Sometimes they're my own, the precious pair that you gifted me.

Short Vignettes on Lost Love

Vignettes of Lost Love

Don't go don't leave!
Tenderly reckon with mercy
The one you beckoned to you,
For to you I must cleave now
Do not judge so harshly!
-----

Click of the door latch and you're gone
Easy as snatching candy from a child
My lips in silent howl
My red eyes devoid of pride
Loss in the breadth of an
"I love you"
Laws of survival in the Jungle wild.

-----

you're my only one
Don't die me like this and go
I beg you ....stay a heartbeat more
I beg you don't let me sink so low
For at my lowest point I sing
I am willing to accept anything.
----'

The hours have twittered by
Hours of lonesome loss
I can touch and taste my tears
I cannot carry my heavy cross
We only feel our pain
Our tears gone down the drain
My reddened eyes to you
just shed inconvenient rain.

......
I'm pleading writing copious notes
You raise the drawbridge of your moat
King of your castle and king of my pain
Not this sad ending to my fairytale, again!
-----'

Happy ever after
Sent by mail
Loving You is deliciousness
The taillights blink
My bafflement
You forgot to mention
Our numbered days.
.........

Happy feelings of being in love
In your life to be involved
I share with you soft tears and smiles
Alas my friend it's for just a while
Your story travels with you and leaves no trace
Doctor Love with an overnight traveling case
Hard to say who goes who stays
At unknown points you flag off the race
And to love you is a shorter stint
Than across the park a fullsome sprint
You begin so well
You doctor a practiced tale
Play sweet nurse or
patient escort service to hell

But Bother!
Others need a helping hand from you
So no second helpings of your witches' brew.

Haikus

Gold neckwear of lace
Skyline in jagged embrace
Heaven's bleeding face.

Deux Lines

There's so much laughter so much love so much passion in my life
Missing you cannot be my pastime.
Yet I miss you yes....it's a residual baclkash when high tides of emotion retreat.
May I miss you like this forever, sweetly with no regrets.

.His name is a wound upon my heart which I dismiss lightly.
I don't trifle with the value of my heart.

Death exists to show us the fragility of life but love exists to show us the fragility of death.
Have faith in love and it will work wonders.

Ideas implode
The mind ignites
Words explode
Into poetry
The reader
Explores.

The moon insistently hung upon my midnight skies of isolation.
A solitaire supporting my lonely dreams.

The bat whisked past the trees...
Like a poignancy too terrible to settle down. One just had to close the windows and light the lamps inside.

my carpeted pool of light is safe habitat where I conjure sweet dreams playful tricks and treats.
Outside the ring of romantic light
The circle of voracious darkness threatens to gulp me and deny my fairytale
A happily ever after.

Take my heart my soul
But
Leave my mind intact.
I want my rights to remain free thinker
Untouched by romantic love.

Creepers creeps up the tallest tree
Taking strength from it to rise
Every creature craves sunlight
God gifted light can't be denied.

I will show you how not to be
If you tell me what you see in me

l ask you only to return the favor
Tell me what you truly think
I seek no other .

You're such sweet golden sunlight
Warmth watching my back.
But the cold trickling moonlight
Nurses my night throughout your lack.

Lets laugh at ourselves
Together. Two is company.
But not at each other with another.Three is such a crowd.

How do I ever tell you
How much you do mean
Tears can never be heard
And my thoughts
They cannot be seen.

You may ponder eternity in a moment and the futility of it all....
But it's also not such a little matter that this moment is your life...
Unforgettable while you live. Even though for just a while.

Harps and Piano our arrival
Drums and guitars our youth
But always as it all draws to end.
Plaintive
Violins and flutes

I am a mother
And sometimes I
Hate my children
What do I see?
I see mess squalor and indiscipline.
And I am afraid
They're going to be
Me.

Rearranged version

(Perhaps hate is a strong word...but I use it in a sense of depression dread or despair.)

I am a mother
And sometimes I hate
My children
What do I see?
I see mess squalorand indiscipline.
And I am afraid
They're going to be Me.

For my friend Gemini Teeters
Inspired by two of her lines...

"I love you
You have it all
All of it"

All that you truly perceive and appreciate
It belongs to you already
Though you don't possess it.

Forget me or forget me not
I don't care to draw the lots.

Don't drive into my heart
You'll draw blood with your fangs
I reveal myself to you
Because
The soul has hunger pangs.

Not a poem really...random thoughts running like rats. In my brain. Sorry what a rotten simile! :)

Thoughts on heart break... and Love.
Sometimes we can't tell the two apart.

Love someone in such a way...that you also fall in love with yourself.
Love your own heart that's capable of so much love and it will never get broken.

And if it still seems broken shattered
beyond recovery
Be tender and kind to that generous heart that serves ceaselessly.

Anything other than self healing is temporary...a bandage. It will not stick.
Infuse your soul and being with mercy...not self pity. It will not take.

I love even beyond my power to comprehend the extent of my love.
And That is the Power of Love.

Most of the love we profess is the shell. Pretty fragile Christmas baubles. But the kernel is unbreakable.

Love is unstoppable if its real.
Virtual love infatuation adulation
Is as true as the image in a mirror.
Is it there still if you are not there to see it?

Chew on this my friends. Virtual love can be real.
Realize that reflection.
It is that You
which you seek.

Love is living in the circus garden
Of festivities.
A joy in spring a carnival in summer.
At Fall the soft husk is winnowed away and precious ears of corn gathered . Harvesting warmth for
Quiet winter.

Ah! balancing upon the tight rope of sanity...always ripe for a fall!

Thoughts on Innocence

Innocence is not playing helpless or pretending to be dumb.
Simply speaking it's not knowing that you don't know.

Not naivete.
A baby is innocent not naive.
Naivete is lack of knowledge relative to age and experience.

But innocence is supra knowledge beaming above it in joyous trust that we are deserving and will be well received by this world.

Not security in the knowledge that care givers and providers exist as a baby is...who is truly helpless...but a heart clean of desire to deceive
and ready to receive it's own worth not as alms but as inalienable rights.

Shyness is a disease
I feel inferior
Doors that opened
Are shutting down
the smiles are fading
And I am
Alone.

Hurt me bad enough and I will lock up the hurt so deep you'll never unlock ...never decipher the code. .Now I'm sure...that I'm safe.

Sing out loud
Dance till I'm dizzy
when I'm blue...
Yes! Strangely that's exactly
what I love to do...

The kiss of the bird flies accross the skies...belongs to none. Ask not why.

Incredible is the light of understanding. It is Joy strained from the meshes of sorrow squeezed out of a stone.

The kiss of wings against the sky. Or the butterfly on your cheek.
The dreams of beloved departed dead.
The baby's struggle for speech.

A heart revealed is a heart relieved.
A love hidden remains forbidden.
Make it a flagship or make it a burden
You have to live in your secret garden.

Un deux trois
Sweetheart au revoir
Sometimes the remnants are
better...
wistful strains, melodies
half forgotten, sweeter
Than the full bodied love song.

Suryan

The sun was liquid gold in my eyes
A brilliant white coin fringed with a thin gold ring.
And it divided darkness into rays of black shot with white gold brilliance straight as a bolt of bountiful arrows, equal and unwavering.

The sky looked like the sea. Dancing wispy waves of floating clouds.

The sky looked like infinity made interesting by myriad sunbrushed strokes of color.

The sky looked like the gateway to Utopia The promised land the land of milk and honey.

The brilliance was quiet and still as if for us to worship.
As if a portrait was held up to our gaze. With divine purpose.

Adore, adore, adore... wonder at my brilliance.
I know not that I glow.
Be my magnificence, my majestic sentience.
Make my incandescence the light that blazes the darkness of your mind to shreds.

However many gods you create, image and worship, none will give you light like I do till my last day, till my ball of fiery flamboyance, this immense fireplace and hearth of your life is used up...dumb white cinders of End days.

I bowed my head instinctively. O my Eternal life giver, well wisher, benefactor, friend... My heart filling with intuitive reverence.
my mind and soul sparked, illuminated by your radiance .

"Om java kusuma sankyasan
Kashyapeyan maha dyuting
Dhantaaring sarva papagnan
Pranatashmi divakaran..."

To Suryan the sun god:

Om
Crimson blossoming hibiscus
Son of sage Kashyapa great giver of radiance
Destroyer of evil
I touch thy feet with my reverence.

Of course I'm an indifferent translator of this age old sanskrit shloka...but I felt it's power today..in the sun's magnetic gold caress....my apologies for the imperfections.

Negation

Other than writing I have no life
Come on end it
We are going to die.
Even the pro lifers.
Every one talks about that better place
As if they've been there
Lets get there already.

If I were to value and hoard my life like gold
I'll still grow old
Death is the only door with a
Handle on it.
Shall I turn
Will we return
Is there something else

Is there an elsewhere
Clean and simple light and free
Shipping charges on delivery
I'll pay my costs
Fast tracking
The game of living isn't that entertaining
Interesting or edifying
Waiting for my number to be called
Queuing up for death

How dumb! placid sheep
Are we
Fodder to eternity
Why can't I a voyager be
Star trekking to kingdom come?
The only reason people condemn suicide
Is because they're truly scared
There's no afterlife
This is all we've got
Better messy sentient dolls
Than dust under the feet of
Would be Gods...

If this is all I get seventy maybe eighty odd years of existence
A lifetime
Of experience choked out of breath
In the wink of a cosmic eye
Forgotten forever
Life is negative treasure
Valued because there's nothing
Better.

Terribly unhappy write. ..awaiting vitriol. :(

The Valley of Dry Bones

A valley of dry bones
A spiritual dessication
A steady dissipation
A journey without destination
Love without dedication

A valley of dry bones
The heart of a wasteland
Taste of straw in our mouths
The stuffing coming out
The depths of a dilettante
Pity grace mercy peace
Momentary instinct
Too shortlived too scant
To succor our infants

A valley of dry bones
Arranging itself in poses
Stultified and stagnant
A deathbed of Roses

I searched for you in the church
I looked at the spire
The most high was higher than this puddle of iniquity.

A valley of dry bones
Strewn like dead matchsticks
No fire it was stomped out...
Blind candles without wicks

A valley of dry bones
Blindness glistening under
The sun
No burial without understanding
of life and death
All is one.
Withered out of breath souls stultified a deep suffering
without power to cry
A mummification in motion
Without strength to die.

A valley of dry bones
I'm one of them
Pray for me
Your prayers may work
for both you and me
Our prayers are
Inside journeys
Soul meetings
Revelations
Arcs of understanding
Between people different dimensions wandering worlds

Ever wonder how
Words are to be used ?
Usher your wands
Throw wants
To the winds of destiny
Change change
Turn the tables of temptations
Summon your magic
Resuscitate
Bring back to flesh
Your lovely bones of tenderness

Prayers are magic
The divine bargain
Of humanity and the
Price of Salvation.

New Beginnings

Date changes on the calendar
Thrusting us forward
Propellers cutting through time
As far as our utmost breath
Will carry us
Engines revving reviving
Take offs
Landings
Till the runway or the fuel
Ends.

Endeavors towards optimism. ..
Saccharine artifice and sacrilege
Strange and strong resistance
A reluctant movement
Helpless in the face of
Earth's relentless motion
Turning returning
Dating aging

New beginnings?
God I'm not done yet
With the old
So much left undone
That I'm still
chewing upon.

New beginnings?
How should I be?

Better more positive
Less regrets
More fun
Greater goals
Aspirations
New recipes
A job
Rehash forgotten college skills
Driving French Programming

Ha ha! New Beginnings?
Yes...send me back in time
Please.
New beginnings. ..
I want to start afresh

Redo my first days in college
Establish myself
As serious honors student
Wish I hadn't torn up the prospectus of my life
Over a failed affair
Wish I had set sail
On my ship of dreams
Taken more chances
Against tyranny of unfair
Elders unloving brother
Made a marriage
not a gamble
Never capitulated under pressure
Wish I hadn't tried suicide
To see how it felt
To die.

Now it's a toss up

Wish myself again
Life
Death
Or
New Beginnings.

Puff!
Blow out the candles.
The magic dragon
I shall slay.

Okay I will behave.
Let me start
On the smallest scope
Over the slopes of inclinations

I will take up driving
Once again.

I will drive in reverse skid off the eternal parallel railroad tracks back up out of my rut of a life
Ruthless against the winds
Breaking barricades
In defiance
To rules of rote existence.

New beginnings.
I'm no beginner at them.

This time around
I will not forget
To throw
A pinch of salt
Over my shoulders
Damn the Devil
And be responsible for
Happiness.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

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